Friday, December 31, 2010

Hello last day of the ten.

I couldn't sleep last night and sat up wracking my brain for something overly epic to write to sum up this overly epic year. I didn't want to disappoint you all with something sub-par. These word kept ringing in my head.

I wish the best for you, because I love you.
I wish the worst for you, because I loved you.

It is a struggle isn't it. To love so much that you want to protect that love. To be brave enough to acknowledge that the people who treat you badly, are in fact bad for you, regardless of that love. To know that your love loves someone else more than they ever loved you, and still believe that you are worthy of a great amount of love, though days and days of searching has left you empty handed.

I want to remind you, and myself, in case you will be the one in the room staring unloveable in the face tonight at midnight when loves are smooching each other and popping champagne- that you are worth it. The universe gives you exactly what you handle and it has a beautiful, mind bending heart mending love for you, right around the corner in good old 2011.

Hang on little fearless heart.
Live with integrity.
Love fearlessly.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

" Don't you bully me with your politeness! Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe? " -life of Pi

Sometimes when I finish reading a book I am so madly in love with the character that I actually am sad that I do not get to hang with them anymore. True book nerd for realz. What I loved the most about Pi is that there is a fantastic story for every normal occurrence, he and I, we see magic and myth where there is a harsh reality.

Maybe I was the dreamer after all?

I believe in love. Fairytales. I believe that hard work works. I believe that we all get a fairy godmother. I believe that the little animals in the sea all sing to each other and that dogs can understand English. If none of those things really exist, but I live my life believing it to be so... Who cares?

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

In the middle of this amazing adventure I have been thinking about... Adventure. Perhaps simultaneously reading "Life of Pi" (for the second time) + "Letters to a young poet" does that to a girl. I've been on an island, riding a bike everywhere making friends with starfish, the millions of bugs who think I am tasty and the stars and sea. I have never been good at taking a break, being alone with my thoughts or without a busy work schedule.

I found myself during most of early 2010 snuggling up to my laptop + spending all my free time in a haze of teaching, dancing, writing, designing, blogging, airplane rides, and the business of busy. That, was a lonely existence and at some point I was determined to stop complaining of my lonlies and go out into the big bad world of actual human interaction and put my free time and heart on the line. I have been trying my hardest to break a few of my work-a-holic tendencies. Laptops, after all, are not the comfortable to snuggle.

I like to think that life is one big adventure. I spend very little time calculating the things I do or say. This is a slight flaw. But makes for an excellent adventure. You see, who are we to say what is "right" and " wrong". We have all done may things in our lives that at some point seemed like the absolute right thing to do, only to have it blow up in our face with horrific wrong-ness. We simply do not get to decide what makes other people happy, or what is right, normal or acceptable. I trust in the universe and whatever it places in front of my face is there for a reason.

All adventures are an opportunity to:
Be excited
Fill my heart
Challenge myself to learn something new
Learn something about myself

The answer always has to be YES! We have to stop caring about what the world might think of our choices. We are all on great adventures with our hearts, minds and bodies! It is exciting, heartbreaking, crazy, delicious and by saying "yes" to these adventures you never have to wonder " what if?"

It is that time of the year where we all get a fresh start. We get to redefine ourselfs and start on a new path- so jump in headfirst and fearlessly to your new bad-ass self! You are far more fabulous then you will ever know, and a lust for life and a giant smile can turn any bad hair day into you being a gorgini!

" You are so young. You stand before beginnings. I would beg of you, dear friend, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not look now for answers because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to LIVE the question. Perhaps you will gradually without even knowing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day." - Letters to a young Poet

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Hi guys. (sigh)
I am leaving the am for a backpacking trip through Thailand tomorrow. I do not own a tv. I don't watch tv. Instead of shows about places, I just go places. Super fun.
I wasn't sure what to write here since I won't see you all again until 2011. I will be somewhere in the air between Toyko + LA when NYE strikes! What an amazingly weird, awesomely heartbreaking, magically loveable, courageous, jumping-in-head-first year I have had.

This is my thought for the end of 2010. Sometimes we get the things we want, and sometime we don't. I want to extend a giant thank you to the people who said no, didn't want to love, sign, publish, hire, or book me this year. I learned more from the no's then I ever did from getting a yes. (note: this is what people who get a lot of no's say to make it seem like it doesn't bug us!- It totally bums me out, always.)

Sometimes we think we want or need something.
When the universe has other plans for us we do what any chick does...

we cry.
chop all of our hair off.
spend $200 bucks at forever 21 because OBVIOUSLY a new tank top will make all of our dissapointments go away.
What I think we can all learn is that sometimes people who are rescuing you are doing it by letting you rescue yourself.

I broke-up with NYC a year ago and moved in with my new squeeze, Mr. Los Angeles. I knew this was a city that ate people alive, turned people sour and made you want to get fake boobs, a BMW and a tan. I am happy to say that I am ending the year with only one of those things (obviously not the boobs~braless+flawless ladies!), in addition to a ton of hope for 2011. I took a giant leap of faith this year by taking this blog and made it into a book, and I am overwhelmed with the love and support for you, your moms, people out there in cyberspace who write me letters that my little project changed their lives...that is, honestly, what matters to me. I feel like I was put on this earth to be a positive tunnel of light for all the rad chicks out there! SO thank you. Seriously. I am humbled at your love.

I thought that I would leave you with the last few passages of "Rockettes, Rockstars + Rockbottom". I have spent the year posting really gnarly pieces about heartbreak, sick people, rejection and making you, your mom, and MY mom cry. I thought I would leave you with the end of the story and an uplifting feeling of trust that the universe gives us exactly what we can handle, nothing more, nothing less.

"When I left home at 18, I wanted to be a dancer. I’m happy to report I succeeded. I also had a clear picture of what my match would look like, and on that end, I haven’t been as successful.

My dad once said to me, “Baby girl, you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at the same time.” So true. I haven’t found my white picket fence. But I like to think that my time spent in the midst of my rock ‘n’ dance life meant something. Sometimes I look back and this story is more like a story I read and not something I actually lived. I can look at pictures and not even recognize myself. I don’t feel like that girl, and maybe that’s why we live through things. We hurt, we heal and we prove to ourselves that we can survive. Even more, we can rise from the adversity that life throws at us. I happened to do it while kicking in a pair of three-inch heels.
I could tell a million more stories. There are more words and more memories, but nothing will ever take the place of being there and alive in the magical moments that were mine. Being backstage at Mötley Crüe and meeting Slash, the more than 150,000 kicks I performed as part of the Rockettes, standing
in France on the side of the stage supporting Dreamer and looking out at the sea of people, knowing this was a once in a lifetime moment. I was there, I lived it. I made huge sacrifices for this life. Sometimes the world crashes down around me, and I wonder if it was all worth it. Other times I know it was.

One of the hardest things I ever had to learn in life is that the things that I love won’t always love me back. It is heartbreaking. It is disappointing. But I have learned that this is just the way it is. Sometimes we have to get sad and cry and then the next day we have to put on our combat boots of life and stomp through the best we can. We can’t get disappointed when the world doesn’t give us what we gave it.
Following your dreams has little to do with talent. It has more to do with being a fighter, relentless in your dedication and focused. Someone once said that I should, “stop talking about hard work because I got handed everything on a silver platter.” I wish that were true. I work hard and fight hard and really, only the last few years has really loved me back. I attended seven auditions in the last week, four in the last two days, along with dance classes, television classes and three rehearsal days. I book one out of every 20 jobs I audition for. I walk around feeling pretty terrible about myself most days. There are a hundred dancers better than me and a hundred worse.
But I love dancing. I love my place in the universe. I love this life even when it doesn’t love me back. I moved to New York in a slow winter with $500 in my pocket. I made this life for myself, and I take full responsibility for all my successes and failures. As far as forgiveness goes, I’ve also learned that there is nothing more divine you can do than forgive someone who has wronged you.
As humanity evolves, we must take every day and every breath as if it’s the first, last and only thing we have. If we constantly work on ourselves, our souls, and dealing with the influx of emotions, grudges, ego, hurt, happiness, forgiveness, resentment and mistakes, then we have only grown to deal with the past. If we see things and people in our lives as they were yesterday, then there has been no growth. We must give each
other the constant ability to change. Everything that happened in the past never happened. I do not know that person or those days. I only know this day, this person standing before me and the words and actions as they say or do them in front of me. We must let everything and everyone in our lives evolve.

I’ve had amazing conversations with each of my rockstars and it really is true when they say time heals all wounds. It does. Things that seemed so important to me then are meaningless now. I said I would love my rockstars forever, and I meant it. I just love them in a different way. I’m thankful for the challenge of healing my heart after they left, because without them I would’ve never hit rockbottom and had to find my way out. On the way out of heartbreak, I found the most beautiful love ever, and after years of searching, crawling and confusion, I found the one true love of my life – myself."

I love you little army. Enjoy the holidays.
Courage. Passion. Hard work.

Friday, December 17, 2010

you're only you. and your job is to become the best you.

"it's just about gathering power. and strength. and getting to be a more secure amazing human.
it's not about labels.
it's about accumulating.
and growing.
and becoming amazing.
you are not a victim of how you are wired.
you can rewire.
become a more efficient machine in the way that...
it's ALL a win.
and it's ALL a dream come true."

Last night I told a friend of mine that I was a jaded, closet hopeless romantic. He responded by saying:

"ha ha ha ha. you are an out of the closet hopeless are running the streets hopeless romantic. screaming thru your megaphone."

Sometimes we get so caught up in the way our lives and hearts are supposed to be, that we forget to enjoy how they actually are. I am a goal wired person. I make goals and then I obsess completely about them until they are reached. I am like a horse with blinders. Goal. Goal. Goal. The weird thing about work is that, this is a very good way to be. Sadly, with your heart you cannot will yourself into love, or even set aside some time to "fall in love". I think I need to learn that the John Lennon was right

"Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love"

Love isn't a fancy dress or a dozen roses. Love isn't a horse drawn carriage or a perfect dinner. We do not (sadly) live inside the movies. So, today is your chance to "rewire", take your blinders off and open your heart and look around- the universe is giving you great gifts that you are not even noticing right now!

ps. Teddy, oh teddy, why are you the cat to my meow? the awesomesauce to my radburger? Boy dancing might be my favorite thing in the world next to green tea and books.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

So, yesterday two really exciting things happened...

First, I ate my first Salad in almost a year. I am not a fan of salad. Sorry salad.

Secondly, my bff Christina Perri found out that her song "Jar Of Hearts" went gold.

You know I love about this story? Not only does it mean my friend got to have her dreams come true, and we got to make an epic music video together... (in case you cannot pick me out I am dance//almost maker-outter in car int he grey dress) It means that dreams come true! Isn't that somewhat reassuring?

I love that me + CP can sit at a table in our favorite diner and just be us. 500,000 records, a few less books, and the same nut n' honey milkshake. It's weird when all of a sudden your bestie is super famous and every time you turn on the tv (if you owned a tv//or watched tv which I do not...) you get to see her face. Weird when all the people who matter, all of a sudden think that some you ALWAYS thought mattered, matters. Art, in all it's successes is actually pretty overwhemling. Making art is easy and fun and natural. Selling art is where it gets ugly. I guess that is why they call it "showbiz" instead of "showfun". I had a bad day yesterday. Rotten Keltie. I had the kind of day where I bit my lip through most of the day and finally, in the comfort of my friend and my diner had a little cry fest breakdown. You know what Cp said to me she said "don't breakdown- break open".

She and I had an amazing conversation about the lens that we choose to see our lives through. I find it so depressing when I have days that I cannot force myself to be thankful, aware or gracious for all the great things in my life. We all do that though don't we? Get in a rut and spend the day with a dark cloud over our heads. I think it is my nature to always want more and never be content, and that turns into being disappointed that my life is not exactly that the grandiose fairytale that I have dreamed up inside my wildest dreams. I only see my life through the gloomy lens. Wah wah.

I think what we all have to remember is that, it is up to us which lens we choose to see our life through. It is our job to try our hardest to not get caught up in comparing ourselves and our lives against others. I get to make art for a living. I get to inspire people. I get paid to spin, leap and skip. I have the life 6 year old Keltie dreamed of. I am free. I have a roof over my heart. I have a big ol' heart full of love. I am a lucky girl.

Gotta remember to see life through our grateful lens.
What do you see when you look through yours?

photos by: lani lee

PS. I would be insanely grateful if you would join me over at bloglovin'. For my birthday this year I want to be the #1 most popular blog in the self-improvement category. They did not have a tea drinking category or a book nerd category so I chose self-improvement. BL is awesome because you can set it up to follow all the blog you love no matter where they come from (tumblr, wordpress, blogspot!)Thanks army!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

People always ask me what the best advice I can give them is.

First of all, I ate frosted mini-wheat's for all three meals yesterday, washed that down with diet coke, and slept alone-lonely in bed where I cannot figure out how to make the feathers in my "feather-bed" stop from cutting through my sheets and ripping up my skin while I sleep-and by "sleep" I mean, get into bed at 3 am, read "Letters to a young poet" again, toss restlessly all night until 8 am when I start my day with a nice healthy can of Diet Coke. I doubt that anyone should be looking to ME for advice.

I just live life with a few rules, and one of those rules is that there are no rules in life, only respect. You can do whatever you wish, with whoever you wish, whenever you wish as long as you do it with integrity and respect.

Here is what I believe: The miracle- the one you have been waiting for in the form of the love of your life, the job of your dreams or that perfect hair day in which Kate Moss would be is right around the corner.

Do not give up before the miracle happens.
It could happen today.

You could get that job/house/car/new hoodie.
He could ask you out.
You might win.
Your hair might look awesome!

give up.

What miracles are you manifesting?!

Ps. I've joined bloglovin' so now you can follow my blog, with all your other favorite blogs, no matter what site hosts them! Please add my blog to your follow list and "Like" the blogs you enjoy so I know what makes you inspired, happy, giddy + makes you think :)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

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Monday, December 13, 2010

There are going to be so many people in the world who tell you can't do something- you might as well not be one of them.

Be passionate and foolhardy enough to put yourself on the line for something or someone you believe in.

Be honest and tough enough to accept whatever the outcome is, good or bad.

Be brave and naieve enough to try it again and again. and again.

Life is too short for the shoulda-woulda-coulda's.
I fall flat on my face most of the time, but what an adventure it is falling!

and in case you needed to be more inspired I bring you the ultra zexy dancer man Albie. Hot damn. I am glad I live in a world with duets like this one...

Photo: rufusowliebat

Saturday, December 11, 2010

NYC book reading!

So, almost a year ago I broke up with New York City. This weekend I got to come back for a little break-up the form of Chinese food in little white boxes, the F train and an apartment in Queens rented by my bestie Spagatti.

You know what I love about NYC the most. How it is a city of people who do not belong, belonging. Today I had my final book reading of this gosh-darn awesome little motivational moonbeam of a tour. I got to stand on the stage at my old stomping ground Rockwood Music Hall, and read...for you. You know what? Public reading is actually difficult. Purging your inner most thoughts, without the use of pirouettes, costumes or a tittie pop feels like standing naked in the middle of the street. So scary.

I was lucky enough to have an amazing "Singer" play with me. (wink wink) Wes is an insanely talented guy, with a good heart and was kind enough to come out and support me and share his art.

I suppose what 6 years later has taught me is that girls are complicated and boys are selfish. Boys, for the most part are pretty easy to decipher, the problem is that we chicks are never actually listening. We think that, "I don't want a girlfriend" means "I don't want a girlfriend right now, but if you are charming enough, fun enough and have enough lipgloss/spraytan/good hair days that at some point I will change my mind, and of course that person will be you!"

He didn't mean that. He meant what he said. They always mean what they say.

But here is the great thing! YOU are amazing. no seriously. read this. out loud. print it out and out it on your fridge of you are seriously really rad. You have an amazing heart and soul, and you are so deserving of love. You have a great laugh. You have really cute toes. There are things about you that are so special that you do not even realize. You change people's lives with your kindness and compassion. You are smart. You are thoughtful. You are talented.
The really, really messed up part is this. You have no idea.

That guy, or girl, that didn't want to pick/date/love/marry/take you to the prom isn't a bad person. Unless of course, they are someone who litters, because littering makes people bad people. The honest truth is that, some people like crunchy peanut butter and some like creamy. Our awesome cannot be the kind of awesome that everybody likes. How annoying would if YOU were EVERYONE in the universes cup of creamy peanut butter love able awesome? We had to spent out days not only remembering to brush our teeth and say please and thank you, but beating off gazillions of people that fell madly in love with us, because they ALL did. (okay, it might be fun to try, even for a day...)

The magical thing about our kind of awesome is having it be being noticed by someone who totally understands and is looking for us! Someone who is available to enjoy our awesome!

Chasing after people, trying to impress them and/or make them fall madly in love with you each and every day is exausting. Trust me, been there. The most tiring part of our day should be a good ol' reformer pilates class, not falling in love!

Falling in love (when it is right) should feel like a long skip through central park, a nice hot cup of tea, or that feeling you get when get you get a load of laundry out of the dryer and lay it on your bed and smuch your face right into it. warm. inviting. comfortable.

So listen ladies and gents, "singer" taught me something so wonderful in our time together and reminded me of it when I saw him today.

I am a wonderful, caring, thoughtful compassionate human with the best of intentions. I don't need anyone to validate that for me. Neither do you!

Awesome, party of one!

Please check out the amazingness that is WES HUTCHINSON.

Thanks G. Gershoff at Wireimage for the great photos!

Friday, December 10, 2010

dreams chaser.

I have not slept in 40 hours.
Living on diet coke and tea.
Following my dreams.
Trusting my feet.

Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it.
Other times I am convinced that it is.

People like to say "follow your dreams".
I think a much better saying would be " chase your dreams down the street with arms flailing because they will be moving along much faster than you can, and do not take to time to sleep, eat, breathe, or shower while doing so. Dream chasing is similar to marathon running, but in marathons someone hugs you when you get to the end, and then you get to have a nap. No nap here. No hug. Just more marathon running.

Sometimes snuggling up to a laptop can be pretty depressing.
But I would sleep alone every night for these dreams because I never feel better than when I get the chance to leave it all out on the floor.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… do not seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke

What have you sacrificed for your dreams?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The time I almost met and fell in love with matt nathanson: PART TWO

Last night I attended a charity event for the Gibson Music Foundation. I stood next to a guy named Trevor. When I Trevor told me he was a songwriter I looked down to see if he was wearing (gasp) Chuck taylors. Thankfully, no Rock n' Roll shoes to be found. I asked Trevor if he was a better songwriter than Matt Nathanson. He Laughed. I didn't laugh. I told him my theory on judging all music WT (worse than) or BT (better than) Matt Nathanson. (sadly, no one actually gets scored BT). Anyways, I realized that when I had stood there talking to Trevor for about 20 minutes about Matt Nathanson that I am a) crazy stalker super fan or b)in need of a new hobby that doesn't involve stalking Matt Nathanson.

I realized that I completely forgot to tell you about almost meeting and falling in love with Matt Nathanson...again. In reference to my earlier blog this year about the airport-almost-meeting.


One Upon a time...

Matt Nathanson was playing a show. In LA. I live in LA. I put it in my calender and turned down all work, events, plans so that my night would be perfectly clear. I got dressed in my best red bellbottoms and my lucky red beret. I went to the show. It was packed so I moved slowly inching my way to the front of the crowd, even my calves were sweating. I had never seen MN live in concert and I felt like a druggie taking heroin for the first time. I knew it was going to be good. So good.

So, I stood at the front of the pack of people and talked incessantly about MN. Then I twitter stalked him. I could smell what could only be the musk of Matt Nathanson billowing from whatever backstage green room he was warming up in. We were in the same place, at the same time, again. It was destiny.

When Matt appeared on stage I realized that I could do nothing but sing at the top of my lungs and look in any direction but his. What if our eyes met? What if he noticed me? What if I was standing next to his wife and she punched me in the face? So...I did what any supposed to be mature but is totally still 12 years old would do. I stared at his feet. The whole time. Matt Nathanson, buy the way, even has EPIC feet.

Somewhere into the set he began playing a song, and I began clapping. Suddenly, Matt stopped playing, looked right in my red beret direction and called me out. I was, the only one...clapping. I had not noticed, and needless to say I have a very muscular full throttle clap. FULLOUT! FEARLESS! Suddenly the entire audience looked my way. Every person in the room was staring at my try hard red beret, my bright red bellbottoms and my beet red face.

What happened next in my head was...

"good clapping, and you happen to be the most beautiful beret wearing person I have seen today...would you like to come and sing a duet with me and share this one tiny little microphone with my mouth?" -mn

and then I would leap onto stage, glitter would begin to fall from the sky, Matt Nathanson would grow 4 feet taller and not be wearing chuck taylors and would turn to me and say...I wrote this song about you, and not my wife that I am 100% in love with...

and then we would sing, and dance, and tittie pop and the whole club would turn into a giant candle lit ballroom and all of a sudden I would be wearing a evening gown and have a respectable up-do and perfect skin, make-up and my eyes would be blue. MN would be in a suit and be throwing rose petals and unreleased cd tracks in my direction. We would drink diet coke all night and have thumb wars and talking about the reasons why being Matt Nathanson was so awesome.

Sadly what really happened was...

I was that weird girl. The one who clapped too loud. Matt went back to singing and I went back to staring at his feet. I left the show and twittered if he was going to be coming out to meet people + sign autographs. I stood at the front door of the club for 10 minutes seeing if he might respond. In those ten minutes I was so scared that I might actually MEET MN that my heart starting avoiding beating and I couldn't breathe. I completely terrified. So, I did what any respectable totally in control of her own life but melts into a puddle when faced with cute singer-songwriters wearing chuck taylors would do. I walked out of the door. I ran away. I kept my disappointment in the back pocket of my red bellbottoms. Once again, I had almost met and fell deeply in love with Matt Nathanson. Almost.

The moral of this story is that Matt Nathanson is epic and I am a nerd. The end.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I am sorry I wished they would eat you alive, and they did.

Those bad decisions make good stories.

I dream about you every night.

In one of these dreams, you forgive me.

ps. we shall talk about this + much more tomorrow night on my super secret/all over the world/for you only web chat/reading/visit! I made it 2 hours earlier so that my friends on the west coast could join!!!!Tomorrow night at 6 pm PST at

Monday, December 6, 2010

Date night! THIS WED at 8PM pst!

Hey Army! I have VERY exciting news! I am taking you on a date, but only a few of you!

I totally realize how hard it is for everyone from around the world to get out to a book I am coming to you! My awesome sponsors over at Vitabath have created an extra special secret video chat room just for us and I will be doing a private one-of-a-kind reading and questions and answer night with you!(but I never kiss on the first date- so don't even try!)

I will be reading some selections from Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom.
Answering your questions via our PRIVATE chat room.
Giving advice, telling stories, giving you a tour of my "manifest wall".

There is only room for 300 lucky readers to join me...and on top of that one LUCKY person in our super swanky secret reading is going to walk away with a $50 Vitabath Gift Set! (amazing...since they make the world's best creams + scrubs) AND in addition to THAT 10 readers who come to us from the farthest away places (Europe, Australia, the Moon) will each get one of the new Limited Edition Grey MANTRA cuffs from me!

So this is how you join:

#1- Go to the Vitabath Fan Page on Facebook THIS Wednesday Dec. 8th at 8PM PST

#2-"LIKE" the page

#3-Click on the “Shows” tab and then “allow” the application to run.

Remember, there are only 300 spaces available, so you’ll want to be online and ready to joint to be able to participate!!

PS. check out this fun video from my trip to Edmonton, Canada!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happiness is getting a really good word in scrabble.

Last night I went and saw "Love and Other Drugs". One line stood out to me, I cannot remember who said it...

"There's a lot I don't understand about life. You meet thousands of people, and then you meet one person and your life is changed"

Does anyone else feel this way? I do. For all the bad things that come with each year of age ...taking a good 35 minutes to be able to walk like a normal human in the morning when I get out of bed, wrinkles, those brown spots on my face (age spots?), looking seemingly silly buying some loud abrasive fur jacket that my 21 year old self still believe belongs on my 28 year old self at "forever 21" and pretending that it could be true!

The good things that come with age are the amazing flashes of clarity. I have been having these lately. In my entire life I have never felt an overwhelming feeling of being completely happy in an un-extraordinary moment. For the most part, I have never felt that fantastic in even the extraordinary moments either. Happiness was something that only existed in a Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy, a gap Christmas Jean ad on tv, or by something extraordinary happening to me and me gloating about it on here and then YOU being happy for me...and the trickle down happy that having a life someone might want, warrants.

Two nights ago I was eating dinner, and between spoonfuls of mash potatoes it hit me. I was happy. My heart was swelling. My restlessness was resting. I wished for once, that the clock moved slower and that my time, around my childhood kitchen table would last.

On the radio this week, someone interviewing me asked what I would tell my just starting out moving to NYC self if I could do it all over again. This is what I would say...

Happiness doesn't come to you because you get older, get a car, get an apartment, get a boyfriend, get a good hair-cut, get a great pair of shoes, get a better car, get a invite to the "cool" place to be, or the job that every person is fighting for. I always thought dreams coming true, having a few dollars in the bank, or having more than 4 people read my daily rants would make me feel important, loved and happy. I was so naive.

One day you will be old. Your own face will change. Your body will crack and hurt when you sleep. You heart will have white flag survivor tales surrounding it. So go out there and spend less time hating yourself now. Forget the people who forget you. Follow your dreams and get out a pair of combat boots and stomp through life with purpose! Happiness is magical and won't come at you from the places you suspect. Sneaky little guy!

What makes you happy?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"There is after all, a kind of happiness in unhappiness, if it's the right unhappiness."- Freedom, Jonathan Franzen

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

thank you!

I am home in Sherwood park, gearing up for another book reading with TWLOHA + Vitabath. Tomorrow I get to do some Tv interviews with the national news in CANADA. WHOA. I have not seen my house of family during the holidays for 7 years. Walking into my house smelling like xmas made me so happy. Sometimes I forget how huge the sacrifices I have made are. I miss Rockettes so badly, sometimes, randomly I bawl my eyes out. It's like a bad break-up with your childhood dream, and we all know how I am with break-ups.

Someone once told me that sometimes the universe takes away certain things from our lives in order to open up the space needed to create the next big thing for us. It's hard for me to comprehend most days. I would put work before sleeping, eating and most other things. Regardless if I am okay with the universes plans or not, It's been a pretty exciting few months and I wanted to share some of the highlights from my new life as "author". I knew that one day my hips would officially give me trouble and that I would have to find a new passion. Thank you for the support and love, and my dream is that I can one day make a living writing, touring and spreading motivational moonbeams on to the whole world...Do they post jobs like that on craigslist?

I landed in a few magazines this month, two of my favorites were a feature in Dancetrack + the cover story for See Magazine in Canada.

I also got to attend the premiere of "Burlesque" + The Hollywood Media and Movie Awards. Talking about my book on the Red Carpet to anyone who will listen. I have also been involved in a ton of holiday charity events which make my insides feel yummy.

Most importantly I opened my page as an author on and began letting people, LIKE YOU, review my book! It has been amazing, and some of my favorite quotes have been:

Julia Batts rated it 5 of 5 stars
"My daughter had the opportunity to meet Keltie at a dance convention. Something about Keltie instantly touched her heart, and truly inspired her. I read the book first and found it to be very honest and inspirational. I allowed my daughter to read it after I finished. She couldn't put it down. In the book, Keltie proves her courage and determination, and we also see her quirky, bubbly side that everyone loves. We absolutely loved this book, and to all that has the passion to dance, or the passion to do anything, should read this book!!! :)"

Randa rated it 5 of 5 stars
"This book is so raw and emotional, a wound that almost heals until something rips it back open. Every turn felt like a roller coaster or feelings and I was along for the ride. Keltie successful laid bare everything about herself and she pulls the reader in, making them feel as raw and wounded as she felt. I honestly couldn't put the book down and when I was finished, I felt like I too, had emerged a better and more healed person. One of the best non-fiction/autobiographies I've ever read."

You know, there is something really scary about putting your story into the world. Sometimes I wish I was not such an open book, and would have written a story about dragons and princesses. Being a writer is a talent and a gift. I have neither of those things. What I do have, and what I believe is my strongest suit is that I have a relentless source of determination. I am living proof that what everyone told you when you were growing up was true. You can do anything you set your mind to.

I really encourage you all to follow your dreams, today. There really is never going to be a better time to start. Get started today. Do that thing that scares you. Spend time building your dream life. It won't ever be easy, but I guarantee it will be worth it!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You get better.

I few days ago I got a really bad case of the bullies. You know, the day when for some reason the universe decided to spend some energy on sending some people your way who for some reason have enough extra time and energy in their lives to point out your flaws, misgivings and say nasty things.

I talked about how I thought that "it gets better" is sort of a interesting choice of words. I am thankful to the people who have got the media talking about this really important subject, and I am also thankful that their are ways for people who are lost and searching for some support to find some. Suicide is never the right choice and nothing on earth is worth shortening your time. Perhaps it did get better for the celebs involved that have jumped on the bandwagon of having a tough childhood and then spouting off about it... For me personally, it never got better. When I was in high school I got picked on, had eggs cracked into my hair before class, was thrown in rivers, had shaving cream sprayed into my pants, was called every name in the book, was forced to drink the hockey team captains piss...the list goes on...

Today, almost 10 years later, I still get bullied on a daily basis. What I feel bad for, this generation of young adults for, is that, they have to deal with the cyber much worse. At least when "unnamed girl" from my HS was cracking eggs into my hair before class, I knew who to be angry at. Now we are faced with the faceless anonymous people that can hide in their bedrooms behind icon photos and words on a screen.

What I would like to clarify about my comments last week is that, yes, it does get a way. I don't want you to think that once you get out of school that the bullies will stop, however. They most likely won't. I like to think that most people are bright shining stars, when we threaten to out-shine these bullies, and whether or not they admit it, most forms of hate grow from a tree of jealousy.

What does get better each and everyday, is your own personal strength. You learn to not let other peoples actions determine your own self worth. You learn that other peoples opinions do not really count in the big score of your life. You learn to love the things that make you different and relish in them and stand proudly to support them, even if it seems to be an "un-popular" choice. You learn that YOU get to decide how others make you feel, not the other way around. You get strong enough to ignore the haters.

I have learned a little trick over the years...and it really works. When someone bullies me, or hates on me. I simply send them love. I think about them, their ridiculous screen name, or there angry face and I simply take all the love in my heart and send it their way. It is obvious to me that anyone that would be so cruel to another human being must have a huge void of love in their heart, and they must be in need of some. I have so much love given to me on a daily basis that I have excess to share.

I wanted you to know that if you feel weak right now, or ever, that you just have to hold on. There have been many nights in my life, a few of them I talk about in my book, that I really just wanted to be done with life. I am so glad that instead, I decided to make a cup of sleepy-time tea and put my sad self to bed. I am so glad that I gave myself the chance to wake up the next morning and see the sun shining and know that I was a tiny bit stronger than I was the day before.

This life is such a magical force and there are so many things to see and love and be, and they are all worth it. The things that make your different, make you special. You cannot see it now but there is a massive movement going on, our generation saw Obama, gay-marriage and some form of national health-care. The pendulum is only half through this giant swing and I cannot wait for the day when LBGT rights feel the same as women being able to vote. Change is coming, we are a strong and important generation.

Hang on army. YOU get better.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Tell you I wanna go...but I wanna stay.

I have spent my life lusting after unfathomable things.

I want "tom" from 500 days of summer to be a real life human, complete with brown cardigans and messenger bags.

I want to dance for Janet Jackson.

I want to be the best at everything, over-coming my undeniable lack of any god given talent at any of those "things".

In the areas of my heart there a few things I really, really want. When I get them I inevitably can be seen running full speed in the opposite direction. If you promise to love someone forever, I am well aware that one of two outcomes are imminent:

I will lose them.


I will die.

Both equally unbearable.

Say "I love you" when your not listening.

Hi again. I am back. Thank you for waiting. No grandiose explanation needed. I did tons of writing in the past few months because I spent a ton of time of airplanes. For some reason, being along on an airplane in the dark while the world flies by under me always inspires me to feel incredibly lonely. A good case of the lonlies make me listen to my favorite "pull on the heart strings" tunes, and of course, make me miss all the things I cannot have.

I find myself sometimes simultaneously missing him and thinking that I actually never knew him. How do you miss what was most likely never yours to hold?

He will be replaced with far more deserving hearts. The good guys. The ones who makes love look easy- and make me feel all the things I should.

I keep waiting for the end of this story, the part where some big epic ballad is played and someone is standing outside my door with some complete purge of all the millions of feeling they have had for me and never said and some epic ending embrace. I grew up watching this in 90's romantic comedies, and I want this for myself.

I am afraid that my heart is one that cannot even be saved by the power of
a power ballad...and they are pretty powerful! Why is it both so impossible to accept the love from the people who are good for us, and accept that those without love for us are bad?

Why do I miss you the most when you love me the least?

Monday, September 20, 2010

what it all comes down to...I haven't got it all figured out just yet.

Hi army,

Ahhhh. Where do i begin? First of all I want to thank you all for your love, support and words. This blog has become such a huge part of my life and soul.

I recently approved the FINAL version of my book "Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom" and I feel empty of words. Something that I started as a hobby turned out to be a ton of work, and that on top of all my other work...has left me in need of a really big nap.

When I was a little girl I really wanted to follow my dance dreams and I am thankful each day that I had the courage to do that. As each year passes I realize how much I want some new dreams. I've never really taken the time to live and love.

I am leaving tomorrow on an amazing adventure with my heart. I will not be blogging, or tweeting or anything until I get back in Late November. I am going, for the first time in my life, to go enjoy myself. Eat, Pray and Love. I am scared, and very unsure of what a Keltie who is not working will be like but I know this is a side of myself I am desperate to find. I am excited to go live without thinking...I should take a picture and share this, or this would make a good blog. I'm gonna go and just be. me.

I hope you all understand and I promise to be back, better than ever with fresh words very soon. In the meantime you can visit my facebook page here for updates on the book, the book tour and other things that my awesome team will be throwing together while I am far away.

Have an amazing fall. I will be thinking of you each and everyday.
Courage. Passion. Hard Work.

and mostly...LOVE.

and please take care of her.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

i wont be there when word gets round/i won't be there when ur luck runs out/cause ur someone else's baby/yeah ur someone else's crazy now.

-matt nathanson

Oh matt nathanson why are you so perfect? It's been a really weird month because I have been working so hard on my book and reading over + edits + thoughts + press and all things that story. That story feels like something I made up in my head and never actually lived through, because I feel like I am such a different person now.

I spent most of my life being a co-dependant. I've actually had therapists tell me I had a "condition". Since grade 9 I always had a boyfriend, most of them I didn't like, or even spend any time with, but I had none of the tools necessary to make myself happy. I only existed on the compliments and praise of whoever was my #1 at the moment. I was the Julia Roberts in runaway bride, I liked whatever you liked, because I wanted you to like me.

Most people think that my book is going to be one big tell all about some guy I dated once, and sadly, they will be disappointed (sorry trash sites and haters!) The story isn't about anyone else but me. I wrote the story so that you all could find those little pieces of yourselves that YOU see in me, in this story also. It is so common, pretty, talented, smart girls who don't even like themselves that much and cannot exist without focusing 95% of their day on whatever love interest in in their eyesight at the time. I lived that way for a very long time. I was only great, because they were great.

When it came to living alone for the first time in my life a few years ago, it wasn't just a case of "my heart is broken and I need to get over you". It was a case of, "I have no idea how to be alone, and I am not even sure that I like myself enough to want to be alone with myself." Sad words. Big lesson.

Look, we all have flaws. I can point this finger and say, this person did THIS to me or that person did that to me. But the bottom line is that, I was never ready to be in any kind of relationship any of those times. That wasn't really love, it was obsession. For me I had a giant check-list of things that I wanted from life. Live in NYC. Check. Dance with the Rockettes. Check. Be in a music video. Check. Fall in love. ummmm?

Love isn't something that you can "work" your way into, or something that you can magically check off your to do list, or get in the dollar bins at target. I wanted to be in love, I thought I had found the guy (more than once) and so I did everything in my power to make that love work, and never once stopped to think- Am I happy? DO I want this? Is this the kind of life I want?

Matt writes "ur someone else's crazy now". I love that line because it is so true. I used to think that crazy was artistic, and that artistic was exciting and exciting was cool and that cool was what I wanted and that all of it was love. I was a fool.

When someone loves you, you will know.
But no one is gonna love you, if you don't love yourself.

Take the time to have a relationship with your soul. Be alone. Strengthen your morals and honor. Find out what you really like. Love yourself. Love will find you.

Friday, September 17, 2010

follow friday!

Here it is the cover for my book. I am thrilled to show it to you. I also started a FB group for the book + will giving away copies and having contests and all sorts of fun things so please join here! Pre-order starts Oct. 22!!

Caught between backstage and center stage, Keltie Colleen opens a window into her intriguing life of dance and rock n' roll. In between gigs, Keltie optimistically untangles complicated rockstar romances, while clinging to her own identity. Simultaneously tragic and hopeful, Keltie's story is an honest, powerful and ultimately uplifting guide to following your dreams and losing your heart.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Today I got offered a really cool dancer job, a dance job in a new movie. My first reaction was "Well, thank goodness I proved that I am not a total failure."

I said that because that is how I feel most of the time. We dancers are only as good as "what is next" No one really cares about last year or last month and the few days we get to spend on set are magical but fleeting.

My my said to that she thought it was so sad that as humans we tend to only focus and remember the really awful things about ourselves. That we tend to hold on to those failures and seemingly brush away all the good stuff with ease.

So true isn't it. The 7 jobs I auditioned for last month that I didn't get haunt me daily with thoughts of, why am I still dancing? am I as horrible as everyone says I am? It is sad that booking a job makes me think for just an instant-

Okay, good, now you have validated your choice of life for one more week and proved to everyone that you are not a total failure.

Silly really, when it is obvious I am not a failure, none of us are. Also silly that you all say such wonderful, sweet things to me and I forget those the instant someone says something negative. Well, maybe I do look old.

The bottom line is we should be the opposite. The good things should stick to us and the bad things should easily melt away. I wish that was the way the human heart worked and from now on I am going to really try to be that girl. Life is way to short to only believe the bad.

Like CP said to me once " You hair is bigger than you think, and you are smaller than you think"

and besides if the dance world, the dating world and the book world all think I suck, I am pretty sure that one little lady thinks I rock....

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Here is what I want to tell you all. One day you might be 28 years old and watching all your friends have babies and husbands and you will really regret not taking that trip, buying those really soft sheets and calling that friend. You will hate yourself for the years you got up in the morning and got dressed for him, so that he might noticed you and might stare in your direction, all the time you spent lying on the floor putting your heart back together and trying to fix him so that he would want to come back to fix you. All the conversations you started with the reasons he was so great instead of the reasons you were.

Sometimes the "he" in our life seems so important instead of the "ME".

and it's not that easy...but nothing ever is...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

what is your favorite part?

Monday, September 13, 2010


remember when I used to post youtube videos of my friend who I thought was great, and then just an handful of us used to know about her...

This is proof little army that dreams come true. Never give up. This could be you.

Please head over to and log in to view the video for "jar of hearts". I am beyond proud to have danced + been assist choreographer on this project.

thanks to lani lee for the awesome photos!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I think the most important lesson I have ever learned in my life is how to be alone. We, as humans and mostly as girls, are all pretty bad at being alone. I think it is our generation of people, we live in an instant gratification kind of world where nothing we do is really done until we post it on our facebooks or twitter.

A long time ago, we all used to do the things we loved, hung out with the people we loved and talked to the people we loved because that is what we wanted to do. We never worried about what the world might see, or comment on, we just were. We didn't fish around for praise and we were not invited into the inner most thoughts of total strangers.

In the past few weeks I have been hiding. From you, from the world and from all mentioned above. I have simply been keeping my inner most thoughts and events into my innermost circle. It is amazing how different life feels.

Last night I was sitting at the 101 after the perez vma party. I was thinking. Cool, just attended the coolest VMA party of the year, met perez, danced away the night where all the "cool" people were. In a year I won't remember that party because to me, it was pretty meaningless. I never wanted to be a part of that world. What I will remember is sitting with my best friend in sparkly dresses where we always sit drinking milkshakes and feeling my youth literally buzzing around between the hipsters and the fries. I will remember laughing, drawing and feeling happy to be alive. Not because of some cool party, but because I am young and hungry and confused,inspired and have the laugh at the way the world works! I can honestly say that I spend the majority of the last decade defending myself or trying to somehow validate myself as a human. What a waste of time. If only I had spent less time "trying" and more time "living".

I hope that everyone can remember that this is a really amazing lesson. How to be content. How to be alone. How to know that what you are doing with your life, and your friends and your time is important and precious. Maybe it isn't on tv, or in the news or tabloids but to love yourself and find your own worth in the things that you enjoy...I have a feeling that this might lead to true happiness.

Sometimes in my darkest moments I forget just how lucky I am. There are stars in the sky, friends at the ends of my hugs and hope in my heart.
I am learning to accept that those things are enough, and that I am enough.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Am I ever going to really love someone? I see all these amazing people buzzing around the world who are willing to love me completely and that love won't even penetrate my skin. If I was willing to give it all up to someone who treated me on the cusp of what would be considered right? then how come I can't seem to welcome anyone into my world who is willing to treat me perfectly. Am I immune to love? Do I have a cold black heart that actually despite my best attempts at falling actually has no love inside it?

I don't hate you for what you did to me. I do really hate the condition of my heart. You stole something from me that I cannot seem to buy back. I usually tuck that part of me in my back pocket and forget that it is there.

But sometimes, in my darkest times, I feel like I will never care about anything ever again the way I cared about you. That nothing will ever matter the way that time and place mattered. That nothing I do will be as good, as the good I was then.

Those were my best, brightest moments.
I am sad, that they are gone.
I am trying my best to shine, but I am falling far behind.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

sometimes we get so far away from what we really are. It is so good to just come down to earth and realise that we...are the lucky ones.

The whole world has been crashing at my feet lately. I know the reason that this crash feel so paralysing and overwhelming is because I get to live my life soaring so high up that when I crash, I have a very long, scary way to fall down.

every night I go to bed feeling completely and utterly hopeless.

every morning, even though I do not want to, I wake up and keep pushing through, because when you are down, down so low, the only way to really go is up.

and in the end, there are a hundred people who have it worse than you, there are a hundred who have it better.

You cannot want it all, AND have it all. Even though it sounds really nice in theory.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

There are two things I hate about getting older

1) that my hips hurt constantly and grand plies are pretty much torture.

2) that the older I get the more I become the collection of all my memories, I feel like many years ago I was so free spirited and hungry for life. Every year I can feel my skin getting a little thicker and my caution flag waving a little higher. Maybe all these relationships I was in are over but I still carry pieces of them, and those guys everywhere I go. You cannot love someone deeply without them affecting the way you look at love for the rest of your life. So, yes it might be over- but it is never really over. You just learn to live in spite of those memories. When you meet someone new it becomes you and all your layers of love-lost and them and their matching set. I think if we were ever able to really start fresh it would be much easier to dive into a relationship with someone if when you looked into their eyes you didn't see the eyes of everyone else you have ever given your heart to.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

How Taylor Swift's Fans Saved Her 2009 VMA Performance

How Taylor Swift's Fans Saved Her 2009 VMA Performance: "After the Kanye West incident, Swift's fans boosted her confidence by chanting her name in support."

Sometimes I feel really awful about myself. Do you? Sometimes I wonder what my giant purpose is in life...I am learning to love myself and my own uncertainties. When life hands me lemons I seem to thing that the entire world is ending and that nothing I have ever done was even remotely important/cool/worth it. Then things like this night happen. Honestly, both of my amazing times dancing on the VMA stage were epic. Such a dream come true and if I never do it again, then I know that these moments are ones I can always hold onto with all my heart.

Full out!


Saturday, September 4, 2010

everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is that when you make one, to pause, sit back, reflect on what you did wrong and then do everything in your power to make it right.

No one can tell you how to feel except your own gut. Trust it. The only person who knows what is best for you is most likely you, so don't listen to what anyone else says. Your decisions might not be popular, but they are yours to make whether they are the right ones or the wrong ones.

Life isn't about trying to be perfect, life is about trying to be the best imperfect person you can be.

People change, things change and situations change, but what should always remain is each one of us constantly wanting to be a better person. Waking up each day with an undeniable zest for life and love.

go forth and love!
go forth and live!

photo: reid rolls

Thursday, September 2, 2010

"Hearing his name hundreds of times reminded me that Rocker was nowhere to be found. He didn’t answer the phone. We hadn’t spoken. I wrote in my journal for hours. I tried to map out exactly when things went wrong. What did I do wrong? Falling in love is easy, but falling out is the hardest thing. It’s so easy to say “I fell in love the instant you said my name,” but how do you pinpoint the exact time when things went wrong? Was it the shirt I wore? Was it something I said? Did I have bad breath? Did I call too many times? My list of things wrong with me grew exponentially. I never paused to think it might be something to do with him. Love, whether it lasts one day or 10 years, is never easy to lose. Once love lets its feelings loose in your bloodstream, there’s no turning back. You breathe different. You talk different. You are different." -Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

how are you supposed to trust anything your heart tells you when your heart has fooled you before?

people say we are supposed to trust our guts, but my guts are liars.

I am a walking zombie. Somewhere between the guilt and my guts, is my heart and I wish that my heart spoke English. Sometimes I feel like my heart speaks some sort of native tongue of a different planet. I can never actually decipher what it is I am supposed to do with all these emotions.

I wish happy was some definite thing that scientists could calibrate. Then we would know for certain if we were, or were not feeling that.

I wish that when you met the person you are supposed to give your forever to that a giant light bulb heart illuminated above their heads and you just walked up to your perfect match, turned off their light and then knew that this was it.

see I'm trying to find my way
but it might not be here where I feel safe

Monday, August 30, 2010

"Such a simple concept, yet so true: that which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves."
- the art of racing in the rain.

It is so easy when things go right so say- I totally manifested this! I thought about it, pictured it, dreamed about it- all of it and then the power of my mind made it happen!

I guess I forget that I also manifest my failures. Mostly when it comes to love. I am pretty hopeless in that department and most of the time, no matter how good something feels to my heart I am already in the "yea, but I can just think of how much this is going to hurt when it goes wrong" stage before I even get a chance to enjoy feeling good. Things fall apart and I am never surprised to see it happen. I manifested that too.

Things get bad and then things get worse, and I suppose what matters is what we chose to focus on. I had a nice little pity party for myself this weekend. But as low as I get, somehow the universe, the amazingly resilient universe always finds away to break through the storm clouds of my mind and show me some sunshine. Just when I thought about moving up to Canada, giving up all my dreams and spending my days reading books at Tim Horton's- the universe gave me a huge, yummy sign to put back on my combat boots of life and start kicking butt again!

Never underestimate the power of your thoughts. What you think-you become.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

the good fight.

I had the most amazing conversation with my mom today. Hospitals offer no distractions. There is only talking and jello.I am in the middle of my own little pity party. I plan on attending it for one more day before putting back on my combat boots of life and walking with my head held high.

I have been working as a professional dancer for almost 10 years. This was my dream and it has never been lost on me that I chose a career that is very unstable and pretty messed up. I sacrificed EVERYTHING to do this. I totally did this to myself but I cannot explain to you how painful it is to work so hard and put so much time and energy into creating the life of your dreams not only with your body, but with your soul. Being a good person, being positive, not backstabbing people, working hard...all of those things should count right? Sadly, most of time in this business they simply don't. You can be discarded like trash after years of hard work. It is very painful. Not only because for me, I am losing something I love deeply, but mostly because it just shows me that good things don't always happen to good people. I hate that.

My mom said to me today, "oh honey, I wish that good always equaled good but it simply does not. It's very sad. That doesn't mean that you are to stop fighting the good fight. I am not sure the reason, but you just have to."

One of the hardest things I have ever had to learn in life is that the things you love won't always love you back. It is heartbreaking. It is disappointing. But this is just the way it is.

So you cry.
All day long.

and then tomorrow, you get back to fighting the good fight.
Because you just have to.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

When did it not be OK for two women to love each other and support each other? I am hearing all this backlash about me + cp and that there should be this big jealousy between me and her because of her success.

I don't live my life that way. I live my life this way.

I am in the center of a giant web and when I reach out in any direction I can touch a whole bunch of the most wonderful talented people ever. Christina is one of them, Stacey Tookey is one of them, a bunch of other friends + dancers + directors + photographers are all in my web too. I have taken a page out of Liz Gilbert's book and I call this my web of genius. Whenever I need something I just reach out and I know I have these insanely talented, wonderful people within my grasp.

When someone in my web does something amazing, like creates a hit song or gets nominated for an Emmy award, I never get jealous because I look at it this way- the higher my web is vibrating on positive things and positive energy the more successful I will be also.

I couldn't be more proud of my friends, all of them, for being amazing people. I don't get jealous, I get proud. There is no point in life to harnessing any kind of ill-will towards anyone else. You want people to be happy for you when good things happen right? Then you have to be truly happy for them in return.

You have to be good to get good.

So introducing the MV I just worked on with Christina Perri. Stacey Tookey did the Choreography + I was her assistant. I loved working with the most amazing dancers ever- peter, allison, kathryn, eboni, chantel, and chelsea. Take a sneaker peaker~

Monday, August 23, 2010

thank you for all your kind wishes while i tend to my mommma in the hospital.
sorry I have not been writing.
for my sake, go run, jump, kartwheel and roll around.
get the heck off the internet and go spend time with the people you love the most.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

jazz hands

Heading home to canada for a few weeks and I remembered that the last time I was in Canada I had the best time with my brother talking about JAZZ HANDS. He is a super funny guy + entertains me to no end. I hope you enjoy.

Friday, August 20, 2010


see guys? being alone is totally okay. having a date with your dog on friday night and being excited about an early bed time and a nice hot shower is totally ok. Even if the whole world would think you are a are not a are just alone.