Sunday, December 5, 2010

Happiness is getting a really good word in scrabble.

Last night I went and saw "Love and Other Drugs". One line stood out to me, I cannot remember who said it...

"There's a lot I don't understand about life. You meet thousands of people, and then you meet one person and your life is changed"

Does anyone else feel this way? I do. For all the bad things that come with each year of age ...taking a good 35 minutes to be able to walk like a normal human in the morning when I get out of bed, wrinkles, those brown spots on my face (age spots?), looking seemingly silly buying some loud abrasive fur jacket that my 21 year old self still believe belongs on my 28 year old self at "forever 21" and pretending that it could be true!

The good things that come with age are the amazing flashes of clarity. I have been having these lately. In my entire life I have never felt an overwhelming feeling of being completely happy in an un-extraordinary moment. For the most part, I have never felt that fantastic in even the extraordinary moments either. Happiness was something that only existed in a Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy, a gap Christmas Jean ad on tv, or by something extraordinary happening to me and me gloating about it on here and then YOU being happy for me...and the trickle down happy that having a life someone might want, warrants.

Two nights ago I was eating dinner, and between spoonfuls of mash potatoes it hit me. I was happy. My heart was swelling. My restlessness was resting. I wished for once, that the clock moved slower and that my time, around my childhood kitchen table would last.

On the radio this week, someone interviewing me asked what I would tell my just starting out moving to NYC self if I could do it all over again. This is what I would say...

Happiness doesn't come to you because you get older, get a car, get an apartment, get a boyfriend, get a good hair-cut, get a great pair of shoes, get a better car, get a invite to the "cool" place to be, or the job that every person is fighting for. I always thought dreams coming true, having a few dollars in the bank, or having more than 4 people read my daily rants would make me feel important, loved and happy. I was so naive.

One day you will be old. Your own face will change. Your body will crack and hurt when you sleep. You heart will have white flag survivor tales surrounding it. So go out there and spend less time hating yourself now. Forget the people who forget you. Follow your dreams and get out a pair of combat boots and stomp through life with purpose! Happiness is magical and won't come at you from the places you suspect. Sneaky little guy!

What makes you happy?