So, almost a year ago I broke up with New York City. This weekend I got to come back for a little break-up sex...in the form of Chinese food in little white boxes, the F train and an apartment in Queens rented by my bestie Spagatti.
You know what I love about NYC the most. How it is a city of people who do not belong, belonging. Today I had my final book reading of this gosh-darn awesome little motivational moonbeam of a tour. I got to stand on the stage at my old stomping ground Rockwood Music Hall, and read...for you. You know what? Public reading is actually difficult. Purging your inner most thoughts, without the use of pirouettes, costumes or a tittie pop feels like standing naked in the middle of the street. So scary.
I was lucky enough to have an amazing "Singer" play with me. (wink wink) Wes is an insanely talented guy, with a good heart and was kind enough to come out and support me and share his art.
I suppose what 6 years later has taught me is that girls are complicated and boys are selfish. Boys, for the most part are pretty easy to decipher, the problem is that we chicks are never actually listening. We think that, "I don't want a girlfriend" means "I don't want a girlfriend right now, but if you are charming enough, fun enough and have enough lipgloss/spraytan/good hair days that at some point I will change my mind, and of course that person will be you!"
He didn't mean that. He meant what he said. They always mean what they say.
But here is the great thing! YOU are amazing. no seriously. read this. out loud. print it out and out it on your fridge of you must...you are seriously really rad. You have an amazing heart and soul, and you are so deserving of love. You have a great laugh. You have really cute toes. There are things about you that are so special that you do not even realize. You change people's lives with your kindness and compassion. You are smart. You are thoughtful. You are talented.
The really, really messed up part is this. You have no idea.
That guy, or girl, that didn't want to pick/date/love/marry/take you to the prom isn't a bad person. Unless of course, they are someone who litters, because littering makes people bad people. The honest truth is that, some people like crunchy peanut butter and some like creamy. Our awesome cannot be the kind of awesome that everybody likes. How annoying would if YOU were EVERYONE in the universes cup of creamy peanut butter love able awesome? We had to spent out days not only remembering to brush our teeth and say please and thank you, but beating off gazillions of people that fell madly in love with us, because they ALL did. (okay, it might be fun to try, even for a day...)
The magical thing about our kind of awesome is having it be being noticed by someone who totally understands and is looking for us! Someone who is available to enjoy our awesome!
Chasing after people, trying to impress them and/or make them fall madly in love with you each and every day is exausting. Trust me, been there. The most tiring part of our day should be a good ol' reformer pilates class, not falling in love!
Falling in love (when it is right) should feel like a long skip through central park, a nice hot cup of tea, or that feeling you get when get you get a load of laundry out of the dryer and lay it on your bed and smuch your face right into it. warm. inviting. comfortable.
So listen ladies and gents, "singer" taught me something so wonderful in our time together and reminded me of it when I saw him today.
I am a wonderful, caring, thoughtful compassionate human with the best of intentions. I don't need anyone to validate that for me. Neither do you!
Awesome, party of one!
Please check out the amazingness that is WES HUTCHINSON.
Thanks G. Gershoff at Wireimage for the great photos!
