Saturday, November 27, 2010

Say "I love you" when your not listening.

Hi again. I am back. Thank you for waiting. No grandiose explanation needed. I did tons of writing in the past few months because I spent a ton of time of airplanes. For some reason, being along on an airplane in the dark while the world flies by under me always inspires me to feel incredibly lonely. A good case of the lonlies make me listen to my favorite "pull on the heart strings" tunes, and of course, make me miss all the things I cannot have.

I find myself sometimes simultaneously missing him and thinking that I actually never knew him. How do you miss what was most likely never yours to hold?

He will be replaced with far more deserving hearts. The good guys. The ones who makes love look easy- and make me feel all the things I should.

I keep waiting for the end of this story, the part where some big epic ballad is played and someone is standing outside my door with some complete purge of all the millions of feeling they have had for me and never said and some epic ending embrace. I grew up watching this in 90's romantic comedies, and I want this for myself.

I am afraid that my heart is one that cannot even be saved by the power of
a power ballad...and they are pretty powerful! Why is it both so impossible to accept the love from the people who are good for us, and accept that those without love for us are bad?

Why do I miss you the most when you love me the least?