Thursday, September 9, 2010

Am I ever going to really love someone? I see all these amazing people buzzing around the world who are willing to love me completely and that love won't even penetrate my skin. If I was willing to give it all up to someone who treated me on the cusp of what would be considered right? then how come I can't seem to welcome anyone into my world who is willing to treat me perfectly. Am I immune to love? Do I have a cold black heart that actually despite my best attempts at falling actually has no love inside it?

I don't hate you for what you did to me. I do really hate the condition of my heart. You stole something from me that I cannot seem to buy back. I usually tuck that part of me in my back pocket and forget that it is there.

But sometimes, in my darkest times, I feel like I will never care about anything ever again the way I cared about you. That nothing will ever matter the way that time and place mattered. That nothing I do will be as good, as the good I was then.

Those were my best, brightest moments.
I am sad, that they are gone.
I am trying my best to shine, but I am falling far behind.