Today I got offered a really cool dancer job, a dance job in a new movie. My first reaction was "Well, thank goodness I proved that I am not a total failure."
I said that because that is how I feel most of the time. We dancers are only as good as "what is next" No one really cares about last year or last month and the few days we get to spend on set are magical but fleeting.
My my said to that she thought it was so sad that as humans we tend to only focus and remember the really awful things about ourselves. That we tend to hold on to those failures and seemingly brush away all the good stuff with ease.
So true isn't it. The 7 jobs I auditioned for last month that I didn't get haunt me daily with thoughts of, why am I still dancing? am I as horrible as everyone says I am? It is sad that booking a job makes me think for just an instant-
Okay, good, now you have validated your choice of life for one more week and proved to everyone that you are not a total failure.
Silly really, when it is obvious I am not a failure, none of us are. Also silly that you all say such wonderful, sweet things to me and I forget those the instant someone says something negative. Well, maybe I do look old.
The bottom line is we should be the opposite. The good things should stick to us and the bad things should easily melt away. I wish that was the way the human heart worked and from now on I am going to really try to be that girl. Life is way to short to only believe the bad.
Like CP said to me once " You hair is bigger than you think, and you are smaller than you think"
and besides if the dance world, the dating world and the book world all think I suck, I am pretty sure that one little lady thinks I rock....