Monday, July 27, 2009

I am still afraid of the dark.

I guess if you look in the urban dictionary under the word "fearless" you see my name in definition #4. I gotta say, if I never create another thing on the planet, never inspire another person, book another job or dance another step...this is enough for me. I was having an amazing convo with some great friends post show about the rise and fall of "fame". I've watched so many people fall from grace in the last few years. I would be lying if I didn't move to NYC with the big city dream of being the next Janet Jackson/Paula Abdul/Sarah Jessica Parker but to be honest, I found myself wishing almost the opposite at this point. I think notoriety is far better than fame. Just think, I have gotten to work with huge huge stars, while they were huge, on big events on tv and in movies, and when the next flash in a pan comes along, hopefully I will dance with them too. But once they fall and fall far down into the dirty world of showbiz, imfamousness, and episodes of the "sureal life" I will still get to do what I love each and everyday, in the coolest places possible. It is almost better to be in the background, I will never be a "has-been". Instead I will always be a "has-been-behind-that person". There are no limits on my success. I really like that. When I screw up (and trust me I do) no one gets to know but me. I kinda get to take the easy way out, only it's hard too.

My point was about being fearless so I shall return to that. If I am going to be known as this I think I should put out into the world that I am infact afraid of many things:

-scary movies
-bombs and guns
-losing things I love
-trusting people
-having my heart broken again
-sweeney todd
-singing in front of people
-petite allergo

AND if I am going to go down as the fearless one I must go down with my fearless partner in crime Kesha. This girl...I wish I was half as strong and graceful as her. I also wish it was wear my glitter butterfly shirt everyday world but that is another blog... night night...