Thursday, July 9, 2009

sometimes dance says it all.

So I am sitting here wanting to talk about and post pictures from my amazing night meeting Carmen Electra at crazy Horse Paris and seeing what I think was one of the best shows I have ever seen. I can't talk about that tonight. I came home to watch some left over SYTYCD and this piece was on.

And so...

How is it that 6 months later I am calling my mother in the middle of day, crying, and worrying about someone who I don't even know anymore. Losing someone you love is hard..but you know what is worse? Loving someone so much that even after they have been awful to you just want them to be okay. I wish I could just hate him. I wish so badly that I didn't care and that this didn't affect me, but it does. So shut your mouth when you want to tell me to shut up, that its over, that its none of my buisness. Because I CARE. I am heartbroken to see what someone who was so amazing has become. My mom says that I need to just say one sentence and address this so that I don't get a hundred emails a day from people begging me to fix it, like I did today, to help, to reach out. So here it is...

I loved him so much. I worried about him everyday I was with him and everyday since. I am sad for him that he seems so lost that he has alienated his band, friends, family and mentors in his new LA lifestyle. I am sad to see the things he is involved with and the people he surrounds himself with because if they loved him they would not put an addicting substance in front of someone who has grown up in an addicts household. They should know better. Shame on those "friends". I remember meeting a guy who loved books and poptarts and was in magazine for reinventing what cool ment, without booze or drugs. I thought that guy was pretty amazing. We are all worried. ALL OF US. One his family members told me today that I was the best part of his life... and And we have all reached out to him to no avail and thus, I will watch MIA create something on a perfect day and cry my eyes out for him and then I will wake up tommorrow and keep on keeping on in my life and moving forward. I am so sorry if that lets you down. I tried my best but he doesn't love me and it is clear that he doesn't love himself very much either. Please do not contact me regarding him, it hurts my soul too much. There is not a thing I can do. Thank you.

I am so very sad and dissapointed and I know you all are too, well maybe not al of you, but those of you who know what I am talking about. Tommorrow I will tell you all about meeting Carmen and the show. Tonight, I will watch this on repeat. Packing for New York and shed a few tears for the way the world works. So sad.


I live here on my knees and I try to make you see