Wednesday, June 17, 2009

falling slowly .

When I was about 12 I was at dance competition in British Columbia. A young girl named Stacey Tookey danced before me and brought the house to tears. I hated having to follow her because, I knew who she was, I knew she was amazing and I knew she would win. She did. I am pretty sure the announcer pronounced my name wrong. A year later I found myself moving dance studios to the home of the amazing Stacey Tookey, to Shelley's Dance Company, where I got to take class wtih Stac each and everyday and also be taught, and turned into the dancer I am today by her amazing mom, Shelley Tookey. Shelley was so dang hard on me. Really, I was really bad, but she pushed and pushed and pushed me and here I am.

Stacey and I have always stayed in touch and often keep eachother inspired to keep taking the US dance world by storm. Her along with her equally talented and hot hubby Gene deserve nothing but the best in the world. There are so few good, honest and true artists in the world. She is one of them. I am proud to call her my friend and I am proud to see her shine and for the whole country to see how amazing she is. Plus, bonus, she used the Frames. Does not get any better than that.

Sometimes I feel like the universe puts things in front of me for a reason. For instance, came home to watch this piece. Falling slowly sort of sums it up. "I don't know you but I want you, all the more for that" I am not sure that my heart is ever going to be able to let someone in again. The shame is that, I keep turning away from really amazing people. The other shame is that, well, sometimes the person can be perfect but their surroundings are not. I am not sure I can deal with the distance, the girlies or the trust stuff anymore. It breaks my heart because I am always preaching about being so fearless, but I am not. I was dragged through the mud, and my heart has healed up with a thick amour on it and I am unsure if I can let go enough to let anyone in. I guess we just have to let people do what they are going to do and be who they are going to be, and at the end of it all, they will prove to us if they are deserving, or can be trusted. But I cannot help thinking that I am just being fooled again. It hurts. It feels amazing. It gives me butterflies and hives at the same time. Maybe we are all good until we get tempted. Maybe everyone can look you in the eye and say, I am not that guy. I won't ever hurt you. But how do I know that is true. I am falling slowly, and running away at very swift pace at the same time. Nothing makes sense, but then again, if it did beautiful songs like this and beautiful art like Stacey's would not exist.

Congrats to my beautiful friend Stacey. THANK YOU for inspiring me and kicking butt for Edmonton, Canada. Love you.

Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time"