It might not seem like an adventure right now but when you look back, you'll see.

You can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written.

Yesterday was the "fearless heart" photo shoot. First of I would like to thank the amazing photog Bryan Hainer who is brilliant, a perfectionist and seemed to know exactly what I ment when I said " it like...I've been listening to alot of Alanis "jagged Little Pill" lately". Not only is he a super cutie but he never lets me get away with just staring at the camera, he always reminds me that a photo is all about where your head is at. So true. Also, the amazing Artist Jessica Galindo (http://www.jessicagalindo.com/). Please check out her amazing art and baubles. I am rocking an amazing cuff that says " Expression is liberation- set yourself free" that was handmade by her. She painted my heart, and later me...those pics will come later. Simply stunning talents, really.

The story of how this all came to be.

I once was a girl who was madly in love with someone who didn't love me back. When it ended. I was scared, afraid, and lonely. I realized that I had a choice, and that choice was to roll up in a ball, be defined by my sadness and just give up OR I could put my combat boots on, pick my pathetic butt up and out of bed, and just forge ahead, fearlessly.

The amazing thing that happened was that, the universe started giving me amazing rewards. When I began focusing my energy on saving myself instead of saving someone else the world changed. Yes, it hurt, yes, I was sad, but everytime I got sad I took it for what it was, healing and forced myself into my work, art and surrounding myself with people who love me, believe in me, and respect me. I knew I needed time. Maybe I still do.

When you get hurt, in any aspect of life, it is easy to just hide away. Sometime after being cut at the first 499 auditions your heart just cannot take anymore and you want to just give up, but do not. That 500th audition is your dream job, and you are going to get it. When someone hurts you, it is easy to hide away from love. Easy to pretend you don't need or want it. But we all want love. I know I do. Maybe you will meet someone who is the best version of everything you have been looking for, through people you would have never known if you hadn't been in that relationship that broke you. Maybe every single thing happens for a reason, the beauty of life, is that we never get to know the big plan, and it isn't the end that matters. It is the journey, I was living the kind of life where I did not want things to change, I was scared of change, I was scared of being alone, and I was scared of failing. I was not actually living, just existing hoping things would never change, where I could live in this perfect world of pretending I knew who he was, pretending I knew what I wanted, and pretending that everything was perfect.

I want to be the Angelina Jolie of dance (you'll find this funny when you see step up 3- but not the stealing brad part) I want to use my success to inspire people and help humanity. I want to live in NEW YORK CITY, not LA, not Vegas- NYC. Bottom line. I want to be with someone who calls me 27 times a day just to hear my giggle. I want to be with someone who is obsessed with me ( "dude, you are totally obsessed with that girl!"- You'll find this funny when you know where it comes from one day) I want to take many more ballet classes until I do not have to stand in the back and feel like I am the worst dance alive. All of this comes from many lonely nights of journal writing, and pondering. Alone! Not so bad after all!

I have a fearless heart. I am open to the miracles of life, love and art. The universe rewards me for my talent, kindness and compassion. I am honest with myself and others about my expectations. I deserve to be loved by someone extraordinary. I deserve to allow myself to be extraordinary. I will never give up. I will never give up. I will never give up.

I wish you well, and hope you find whatever your looking for...

I am really looking forward to the day where I can find a balance between being a work-a-holic, dance-a-hoilc, pilates-a-hoilc and social-a-hoilc. Only recently did I add the last two to my plate and I think some cut back are needed. I am beat. So tired. Albert and I were pathetic (sorry albie) in Pilates privates this morning. I just kept saying " that seems like alot of work". Now we have two more shows and another appearance tonight. I just woke up from a nap where I dreamed about dancing to this song. I love when there is is singing in my dreams. This tune is haunting, true and amazing. I have been a big fan of hers for years.

I had a convo with Robin Leach where he told me he reads my blog (what!) and that it was sort of a disaster. He did however love my banner. He told me that I was scatterbrained and never finish an idea. I dunno. I write like I talk. I just go. I've had to learn to think before I speak in the last few years after having boot taste in my mouth many times. I never sit down with an idea to write about, I just say it like it is. Mostly it is....(unfinished).

Last night I went to my first gay bar ever. I know it seems strange, but I used to be social homebody and never leave my house and just work. So alas, Holly + I got the idea to go find out dance captain and we went! I have to say, I am never going to a regular bar again (well, other than tonight, when I have to!) this new world is so amazing. Hot men dancing their butts off! (who cares that they play for the other team), great tunes and Holly and I could dance, dance , dance without any "Bros" coming up behind us to grind with us without asking (gross). It was awesome. They played MJ all night, and we rocked with "Him" all nittteeeee. RIP.


Tommorrow is the fearless heart photoshoot and I could not be more excited. A giant sheet, red paint, a super talent artist and a contorted Keltie shall prove to be magical- I hope.

RIP

Not sure what to say, Just found out. All I know is that videos like this made me. Shock. Sadness. RIP

Just can't wait to be king.

Last night I went down to the pool to make some smores and hang in the hot tub. When I got down there I was slightly annoyed to see about 6 kids in the pool at 12:30 pm. My month long migraine has made quiet time very important after the loudness of our show. I thought to myself, what are these little kids doing up at 12:30 pm? Then I realized that they were most likely in a show out here. So albie + I asked and sure enough they were the kiddies from Lion King.

The story gets better when one of the girls mom's told me the story about how Jayde (her daughter) landed Lion King. She said she had gotten an email fwd, fwd, fwd, fwd about the casting and asked her daughter who had no formal dance, voice or acting lessons if she wanted to go. Jayde replied to her mom, "I want to go, I am gonna get that part". So she shows up with 600 other kids, most who have been in dance since they could walk, some who have agents, managers, headshots, resumes, vocal coaches, acting coaches and lots and lots of formal training. Jayde goes in and does the audition and beats out all the other girls for role. I think this is an amazing story and should serve as inspiration for everyone who thinks, It is too late to start dancing, or I can't audition because I have no training. This girl is 9 years old and is now a lead in the Vegas Company of the broadway production of Lion king. So amazing.

Last night made me feel so lucky to be alive. After a snack of smores, some hot tub and some very inspiring stories I fell asleep under the stars in front of a fire with my puppy spooning with me. It was really amazing. Albie and I got talking about the sky, gravity and how fast we were actually turning and yet feeling so calm at the same time. It was great. I said for the first time in about 2 years, "this is exactly where I am ment to be".

That all changed this morning when I dragged my butt to advanced ballet. I have not taken a ballet class in about 6 months and whoa did it show. So gross. Really, really bad. I got a little choked up when we went to do Pas De Cheval at the barre, I remember this guy I used to know playing me demos of songs and me pas de Chevalling all over myrtle beach on the grass doing "the step of the horse" and being a complete idiot. It's funny how when you are mad at someone that you get to forget all the really fun things about them, that was a super fun day. I guess I must be healing because I can look back and smile about those things, and still feel like Pas De Cheval's are runied for me for life. I guess I am somewhere in the middle. I don't really think bout it much and then something will just catch me off hand. Weird. The good news about that is that Pas De Cheval's were already ruined for me because I have the WORST FEET on the face of the planet. I hate anything that requires fast movement in the foot. If I could have a conversation with 15 year old keltie it would say, GO TO YOUR FRIDAY NIGHT BALLET CLASS! I was pretty well known for skipping it. eeek. If I had only known...So many different things.

Tonight is Miss. Holly's opening at Peepshow. All the press will be here and we have a gala for her afterwards. I am excited. I am happy to have made a friendship with her and some of her girls. They remind me alot of my NYC girls and it is great to be in a group of fun chicks. Holly and I both really enjoy acting like we are 12. She loves a knee sock and I love a romper. I think she is the best kind of hot girl, the really dorky kind. Wishing her all the luck in the world tonight. I also love her because she an I are both members of PETA. Here is her super hot ad.



Ps. my other charity "broadway cares/equity fights AIDS" raised $808,000 at this years Broadway Bares! Congrats!
Pps. Gotta get ready! Way Behind!

I Wrote This For You: The Fractals Repeat

I Wrote This For You: The Fractals Repeat

Karma's gonna visit you too.

Last year I took over 100 flights. Most of them were from New York to Las Vegas. I spent alot of time in the Las Vegas Baggage claim. Looks like I will be spending even more. (ie. Giant Keltie and Tara will hang at the airport all day long)

When you get cheated on it really messes with your self confidence. Seriously. You think. Was I not pretty enough? Hot enough? What was wrong with me? I have sat and stared at the ceiling for hours pondering this many times, in many different relationships. You think about all your flaws and it messes with your mind and self-worth.

When you are a professional dancer the exact same thing happens. After you get cut at an audition that you were perfect for, you sit staring at the ceiling thinking, what is it that is wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Hot enough? Talented enough? What was wrong with me? You sit and makes lists of all the things you wish you could change about yourself...

I wish my hair was longer
I wish I didn't still have zits
I wish my arms were not so long
I wish iI had blue eyes
I wish
I wish
I wish

I was looking at this image this morning and I realized that, although I may not be flawless, the is NOTHING wrong with me. I think I have come to a point in my life where my inner strength and beauty, actually match my outward strength and beauty. I feel like the confident, sassy, powerful woman I portray on stage, is who I am in real life. It is an amazing feeling. I hope that everyone get there one day.

Courage. Passion. Hard Work.
XOKC

It's my turn- I won't be held down, no.

I Hope your hell is filled with magazines and on every page you see a big picture of me.

Today on my twitter (are you following me? www.twitter.com/keltiecolleen) I listed a lyric from my favorite Kina song that says "Not bad for a girl from the gutter like me". Then the canadians got really mad. Correction: I am not from the gutter. I do not think Canada is the gutter. I used to make boats out of leaves and when my dad washed his car in the driveway I would float them down the gutter into the sewer, in fact, I love that gutter on georgian way.

What the song means to me, and what I ment is... Some trash has been thrown in my face and some nasty stuff has happened to me, and here I am, during a week where I got the meet Uncle Jesse, dance the night away with my favorite spicegirl and then have her come down and give me half her shoe closet as a going away pressie, put finishing touches on my first clothing line, talk to Robin Leach about Pilates, had a fan bring me a handmade Lil' P cupcake, had another fan drive many many hours just to meet me, and it just got me thinking like, Hell yeah! I am kicking butt! For someone who came from not alot of talent, and not alot of money I have really created something rad for myself. I never asked anyone for help, I just asked them for support.

Anything, ANYTHING, is possible. Seriously. It just takes focus, drive and hard work. A really great headshot will help too. So will a romper, a romper helps everything. A veggie burger from Fatburger will also help, get the combo. You know else will help? A really good concealer and a facial. Also, you might want to try singing in the shower. It seems to help, although, no one else seems to think so. I also think that a gaggle of good girlfriends can help, but only if they have great crafting skills. A yodelling pickle will also help but I left mine in Austin and I seem to be doing okay, so maybe that wouldn't help after all.

Grade 11 keltie.

If in grade 11, when I had my hair dyed like Ginger Spice and had spice girls EVERYTHING, I had known that one day I would be working with, hanging with and friends with Melanie Brown (aka scary) I would have died. Mel's last show is tonight and what a ride this has been. Mel is the craziest person I have ever met, but she also has the biggest heart. She has been nothing but amazing to me and I am so happy to have her in my life. She is a true goddess of GIRL POWER and has helped me realize strengths I never knew I had. Dancing beside her has been one of the highlights of my career. Talking with her has made me realize just how strong and worthy I am. I will miss her dearly. I know that there will be so many tears shed onstage tonight. Goodbyes are always the worst.

"all you need is positivity" - The spice girls

(insert english accent) "Keltie, being you is the best revenge, your bloody hot!" - Mel B.

Good Morning Broadway Bares

This is an older video, but I thought it summed up all about the show. Also has cameos of MY GAY and the amazing Denis Jones, who let me audition 6 times for Legally Blonde on broadway and still never hired me! Just Kidding! Love you Denis! XOXOXOXO




Today, in NYC the most wonderful night of the year happens. Broadway Bares. This charity event lends itself to my charity of choice "Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS" and was also created by my idol, mentor and friend Jerry Mitchell. To sum it up, this is a night where all the theatre folk in NYC from ensemble to leads get together, throw the best show of the year and do it in Pasties and Thongs. It is a riot. Bway Bares has raised over 5 million dollars for AIDS research. The show I am currently in, PEEPSHOW, started as a version of Bway Bares almost 10 years ago.

"The most important lesson I've learned from Broadway Bares is how important it is to be part of the community in which you work—and to give back. I eat, breathe and sleep the theater business, and there's no way to express the deep, deep joy I've gotten from this event and how grateful I am to be able to do it and live a full life as part of this incredibly talented and thriving community. The dancers I work with, the people I love do it full out. It's the only way to dance." - jerry Mitchell

Here is the thing, we will all reach a level of success in our lives. We we all struggle also. I think that what matters is what you do at the top when you are riding that wave of success. That way when it is your turn to struggle, someone, somewhere will be looking out for you. It is this idea of just taking care of the human condition, and being selfless. I know I cannot be perfect in life, but I will never allow one of my flaws to be that my ego got to big to remember that I was put on this planet to be a servant to the universe and to spread joy, love and peace. To give back, whenever I can. This is a wonderful cause, and one near and dear to me, my city and my Jerry. If you can, please click the lovely link posted on my blog to learn more about what you can do to help support.

I miss New York so much I can barely breathe these days. I could list all the things I miss about my city but Bway Bares would come in first today. Good Luck to my many friends tonight. Merde....and if you have time, a spraytan would be nice.

FULL OUT! FEARLESS!!!

you know what it's all about? being able to loose the things that you don't need anyways

Wait a couple months, then you gonna see. You Ain't never find nobody better than me.

Idea. Just an idea. Thanks Sugar and Bruno for the badass dance socks!

I have been so busy I have had zero time to take class + get into the studio. It shows in my crap feet. Ugh. Dancing is so hard. I hate being anything but perfect. Drives me insane. So, I am working on ideas for the S+B camp I am teaching and also hanging with Albie as he gets ready to teach the opening number at Dance Masters at the same time, between the two of us we have alot of work to do. 

I really miss taking class each and everyday in NYC and feeling like I was at the top of my game, I need someone to scream at me to get my eyes off the FLOOR! I guess the lesson is that we are never done learning. Ever. Perfection will never exist. Bummer.

I love this song. I love all the covers of it. I love the line "How could you be so heartless?". Makes so much sense. At some point in all of our lives someone will do something, or many things to us that just leave us asking this question. It takes a pretty terrible person to be completely heartless and unaffected. I wonder if the human conscience just stops working. He was a really, really, really good liar. Disgusting. 

All I know is, my life is better than ever (other than my crap feet and struggling dance moves!)  I just found out that dance teacher magazine is going to be featuring my DVD this summer! The clothing line is all done! I am going to dinner with Larry King tonight (I am not sure why!) . I am smitten with a super cutie and keeping it a big secret because THIS time, I don't want people in my personal life. Trust me, I am all good in my heart. Okay, maybe like 60% good, and like 40% running scared, unsure I can trust anyone ever again, putting up walls ect)

I just think that..It is all a big journey and we have to just take these things as they come. The universe will give you so many gifts, and they won't always be the ones you want. There is time for everything, but it is not all right now. I have never, and will never give up any of my dreams for anyone else and thus, I spend alot of time alone, far away and all my boyfriends stray. I guess that is the price I have to pay for being far away, but man, to be on stage, so move my body, to watch my mom and dad swell with pride backstage at the Rockettes, to have had to chance to travel around the world, see the relics of buddha in Hong Kong and the Ocean in Spain, to have these friends I have, who laugh, cry and inspire me to no end. To have a name where anyone who says Keltie Colleen in the dance world knows who I am and what I do and will say "that girl is so crazy". It is worth more than a card on Valentines day. Really. I am beginning to think I am just never going to be a relationship girl. Doesn't bother me. We spend so much darn time looking for love, and not even close to enough time looking for ourselves. 

"Are you there?

Do you swear you won't forget me?
If I found you would you let me come and stay? 
I ain't getting any younger
And before my dying day
I want space
Not just air
Let 'em laugh in my face, I don't care
Save a place
I'll be there " - Newsies.

little truths

A human being is a part of the whole, called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.

falling slowly .

When I was about 12 I was at dance competition in British Columbia. A young girl named Stacey Tookey danced before me and brought the house to tears. I hated having to follow her because, I knew who she was, I knew she was amazing and I knew she would win. She did. I am pretty sure the announcer pronounced my name wrong. A year later I found myself moving dance studios to the home of the amazing Stacey Tookey, to Shelley's Dance Company, where I got to take class wtih Stac each and everyday and also be taught, and turned into the dancer I am today by her amazing mom, Shelley Tookey. Shelley was so dang hard on me. Really, I was really bad, but she pushed and pushed and pushed me and here I am.

Stacey and I have always stayed in touch and often keep eachother inspired to keep taking the US dance world by storm. Her along with her equally talented and hot hubby Gene deserve nothing but the best in the world. There are so few good, honest and true artists in the world. She is one of them. I am proud to call her my friend and I am proud to see her shine and for the whole country to see how amazing she is. Plus, bonus, she used the Frames. Does not get any better than that.

Sometimes I feel like the universe puts things in front of me for a reason. For instance, came home to watch this piece. Falling slowly sort of sums it up. "I don't know you but I want you, all the more for that" I am not sure that my heart is ever going to be able to let someone in again. The shame is that, I keep turning away from really amazing people. The other shame is that, well, sometimes the person can be perfect but their surroundings are not. I am not sure I can deal with the distance, the girlies or the trust stuff anymore. It breaks my heart because I am always preaching about being so fearless, but I am not. I was dragged through the mud, and my heart has healed up with a thick amour on it and I am unsure if I can let go enough to let anyone in. I guess we just have to let people do what they are going to do and be who they are going to be, and at the end of it all, they will prove to us if they are deserving, or can be trusted. But I cannot help thinking that I am just being fooled again. It hurts. It feels amazing. It gives me butterflies and hives at the same time. Maybe we are all good until we get tempted. Maybe everyone can look you in the eye and say, I am not that guy. I won't ever hurt you. But how do I know that is true. I am falling slowly, and running away at very swift pace at the same time. Nothing makes sense, but then again, if it did beautiful songs like this and beautiful art like Stacey's would not exist.

Congrats to my beautiful friend Stacey. THANK YOU for inspiring me and kicking butt for Edmonton, Canada. Love you.



Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time"

Cry Me a River.

It all comes together.

Friends at Peepshow. It looks like this.




Friends hang with cast after the show and K. Monaco says to Bry + Alex, you are hot, and then to Sonny, you not so much. We have beverages. It looks like this.






Alex sings to Kelly in order for her to agree to be his lover in the next video. We talk about ideas. All of them involve nakedness and hotness. Kelly says, sex sells. Alex turns bright red. It looks like this.



We dance. Sing. Laugh. and there might have been some sky high boots and a lumberjack shirt involved. I know for sure someone was wearing mandles, because Mike made up a song about it.

In honor of little Alex being brave and serenading miss. Monaco. I give you the Justin song that makes the most sense. Sung by my fave Glen Hansard.



Bridges are burned, now it's your turn to cry. So cry me a river.

AT the Palms pool...

Today.

Sarah, Erica, Kesha, Deb, Ally Love, Adar... The resumes between these girls is somewhat insane. If we had gotten up to dance we might have brought down the house. I did do a very interesting jumping bean dance to Kings of Leon, until I got told I had to sit down. Being with my besties is clearly, the best. So strange to think that just a few years ago we were all living in NYC, struggling and hustling, and now we are scattered across the country, still on the hussle but having made it to a point where we are all top notch dancers in the biz. So proud of my homeslices. Would not have wanted to take this journey with anyone else.

Last night, I found myself in a Dj booth with Jermaine Dupri, and his assistant, the later who has a crush on me, and keeps following me around Las Vegas. Tee hee. It was so rad to hear JP spin live and dance beside him. Amazing. No janet though:(


Tonight, is girls night out at Peepshow. We had our first rehearsal with Holly today and all I can say is that she is sweet and a very cute bo Peep. She is a really nice girl. Team Holly.

I am super busy hanging but here is a video of us on the carpet the other night. My nose is kinda pointy huh? I never see myself from the side. I look snobby. ha.


Also. I thought I was crafty, but ANA takes the cake, check out her homemade tshirt she sent me! Amazing.

dance magazine contest!!!

GO! Right now! Keltiecolleendance.com


Last night Paula Abdul was in the crowd at Peep. I tried to meet her afterwards and let her know that I had "Straight Up" on vinyl but she left. Bummer. Her SHUT UP AND DANCE album was the dance album of my childhood, she was my britney. I can remember dancing around my house in different spandex/neon dancerwear to cold heart snake. Hot.

Also last night was the bowling challenge, it was Peepshow vs. Jersey Boys vs. Phantom. I actually didn't get much bowling done because some friends of mine from the Cab came bowling too. Alex from the Cab is such a cool + good person. You might recognize him as Demi Lavato's ex? But I have watched him grow, get signed, and become a rad artist. We had some really good bowling alley chats last night and we just decided that we are sick of everyone in the music biz letting us down. It is hard to love what you do so much and have people who love it less get ahead. Same with the dance world. Some of it is just luck and it is not always the most deserving people who win. That can be a bummer, or it can light a fire under your ass. I choose the fire. Always have. Regardless, I can say this. It is not 1960, and it is not 1970. Bob Fosse isn't in rehearsal smoking ciggs + drinking whiskey. It is 2009, and the way to get ahead is hard work. That is it. People ruin their careers because they have this sense of entitlement. Like they are better, or more special than other people. Truth is, they got lucky, and only hard work can make it stay.

Please support someone who I think is special and has one of the greatest voices out there. Plus he is just a really, good nice person. http://twitter.com/symphnysldr

4-40 seems like a good time to go to bed.

Last Night I attended the premiere + the opening of the Cinevegas Indie Movie Festival + walked the red carpet. 

Got this dress at a vintage store and combined with the ever fierce KC bevel I think I did alright.

Those damn boys from Jersey Boys always steal the show. I am glad we walked first! They are so good looking!!! Sarah Silverman, who I have worked with prior rocked a hoodie and a backpac on the carpet. She is so rad. I only wish I could be so cool.

I ran into this guy, and it looks like someone coaxed me into pretended that we were buddies. He was actually very sweet. In a weird, I am standing next to carrot top kinda way.

I also stayed up until 4:40 am and got to watch the sun rise while driving home. This is my second sunrise and it was rad. I love dawn, but only when it is because I have not gone to bed yet, not because I have to get up early!

I am awake this morning early so that I can get focused. I have been seriously distracted. Darth Vader told me that in order to build and empire you have to stay focused, I have been focused on other silly things. But alas, back to work and the grind. I also wanted to announce some cool news that Lacey Schwimmer is going to be joining me at the S&B camp this summer! She is so rad and you are all so lucky that you will get to take from her!

In other news, my friends Nap+Tab really killed it with their choreo last night on SYTYCD. I think their musicality is some of the best in the biz. Plus they are super dope people with the best energy out there. I was not at home to watch so I had to check out everything this morning on youtube and I thought this was the best of the night. Enjoy.

I also wanted to say...You are the best. Thank you for the emails. I know not everyone wants to comment on here but YOU taking the time out to tell me your story, talk to me and inspire me via email makes me life. I will write back, I am just seriously behind. You all have such amazing stories and visions and I see so much hope and peace in us and it makes me proud to share this sky with you. Keep dreaming, keeping holding those heads up and keep dancing/painting/photoing/writing/singing/playingmusic/directing/acting or whatever else it is you dream of. The only difference between making it and breaking it is hard work. Full out! FEARLESS! 

darlin' it ain't easy...

Last night this was said to me, I swear.

"Thank god you are back on the dancefloor, life has returned! "

(insert keltie giggle)

"You have the most amazing energy. If I looked up "Life" in the dictionary there would be a picture of you" - my little salsa friend Rubin.




I have fallen in love with my little salsa club. It takes me back to a time where women were beautiful creatures and men simply asked for a dance, and nothing more. To be tossed around the dance floor by strong hands and attempt to follow (i am always trying to lead!!!) is just the best feeling. I had a blast last night. Red Lips, a short skirt and nice flirt.

Falling out of love is so hard. The hardest thing I have ever done. Harder than pilates, spelling, and pointe work. Harder than remembering to floss, than getting a cab on a rainy day in Manhattan, than a four show day with the Rockettes. So hard. But I did it and it feels great. I have gotten to a point where I feel really happy, and it isn't fake. I just stopped caring, stopped looking down and started looking at what was in front of me. What was in front of me, in my life and in my heart, was really great. I should have stopped looking at the ground and feeing sorry for myself months ago. She won't let me embed this song, but check out zee avi. This song sums up life for me right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMhgoumJUcI

go put your records on...

Every year when I watch the TONY awards my dream to be on Broadway becomes bigger and bigger. Seeing my Knicks City Twin Amy (aka. Handlebar mustachio) on stage in this performance with West Wide Story made a fire burn on my soul, proud for her, and wishing my next thing might be hair in pincurls and a wig cap in some fab b'way production. I will be back in NYC in 2010 and you know I will be spending alot of time with my songbook! Full Out! Fearless!

I love the great stage of Radio City Music hall. It is so amazing. This company kicked butt! The Tony's were so great!

...A few weeks ago I wrote a blog called "Nice Guys Finish First". I have found that to be 100% true, only to me this time! This morning I woke up and the UPS guy was at my door with a huge box. When I opened the box inside was a brand new record player. My nice guy walked out of my room and gave me a box and it was all filled with old records that I would love. Most importantly the "Dirty Dancing" soundtrack! (Remember the scene where baby carries the watermelons into the party and that song STAY...just a little bit longer... comes on? epic.) He had arranged to have this record player delivered to me and had the records with him as a surprise! There is something so romantic and amazing about music that comes from a record player. I am listening to the vinyl of tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty right now. I love the cracks in the music. So special.
I am pretty hard to surprise, being that I am a total control freak. This was one of the best and most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. Out of nowhere, and for no reason. Nice guy.

:)

Best. Day. Ever

Today was one of my favorite days ever. I am feeling grounded, humbled by the greatness of the universe and pretty darn heart happy. I went for the greatest hike through Red Rocks today, and then decided I could scale a mountain side barefoot with hobo in my backpac. The Boulders got so big about 2 hours in that I had to put her in my pac and carry her the rest of the trip. She really loved that. What a lazybutt.

There are so few times that I go and do things for the simple fact of pleasing myself. So much of my life is dedicated to work, dance and this small little core of dreams I have that today it felt amazing to just let go, throw on some sneaks and laugh my way up the side of a mountain and be in awe of the vastness of the earth.

We are all so small and yet everything we do feels so big. If we all just sat on the biggest cliff on earth and chatted and dreamed and took in the fresh air, beautiful sky and sweet sunshine it wouldn't matter what we did, who we were or what we had. I love to be reminded of this. It made my reusable water bottle, reusable plastic bags and hate for litter justified. It makes peace, being a granola crunching hippie, and an animal loving veggiegirl all make sense.

I have never felt more beautiful. What an amazing day.

hobokins

"I am scared of loud noises + clapping. Tommorrow I am going on a 5 hour hike through Red Rock's ice box caynon. My mom bought a glow stick and a compass. " -Hobo

Me, Myself and I.

I've been thinking about how much i love to take care of other people. I will lose sleep if people I care about are unhappy.

I have a very bad habit of putting everyone elses needs above my own. In the past few months I Have been working on letting that flaw go. I think there is a big difference between being selfish and self-centered. I am not sure I have ever met an artist that is not self-centered. I have been concentrating only on reaching the goals I have for myself and putting all of me into that. Last week I was hanging with a friend of mine named Tyrone who happens to be Jermaine Dupri's right hand man. I got to talking about how I had 5 goals when I was a little canadian dancer chicken, and I have reached all of them but one.

I want to dance with Janet Jackson.

His response was " girl, you are way to tall to dance with Janet, but I'll work on it for ya." I can keep dreaming can't I?

A few years ago, when I realized some of my big goals had been met (ie. dance in a movie, dance in a commercial, dance onstage at Radio City Music Hall, be a Radio City Rockette, ) I was forced to make a new set of goals. One of them was to try to make my inner self as happy as my work self, to throw a little more importance into my relationships and maybe open my eyes to meeting my match...

I have also been thinking about why in all my adult relationships thus far, I get lied to and cheated on. (THREE TIMES!!! UGH) Some will say, it is because all men cheat. Some will say it is because everyone is the entertainment biz is two-faced. Some will say that I am a bad picker. Maybe all true. Hopefully this is wrong.
At first, when your self esteem is in shambles it is easy to blame your self. Maybe if I was hotter, had better clothes, had bigger boobs, had cooler friends, and of course...maybe if for once I stopped trying to reach all my goals and be independant and successful on my own and just follwed my guy around then they wouldn't feel the need to ever be lonely and thus warm their hearts with someone else? It is messed up how you can change your own mind sometimes. Then I realize this. I might have to be alone my whole life because I will never give up! World traveller, hard worker, never sleeper is just who I AM! I think flat-chested girls are hot! Ballet bodies are so super sexy!

I have heard this a million times..." I love how you dont need me, I love how you have your own life" but really, I think these fellas might be fibbing. I think they just want someone to follow them around an stroke their egos . I am not that girl. I am not a follower. I am a trail-blazer!

Here is the thing, at the end of all these relationships I found myself somewhat heart sore, confused, and hurt. I always do what I say i am going to do. I don't lie and I don't cheat. Maybe I am a fool for believing in something that was never really there. Maybe I believe so much in the goodness of the universe that I want to see my guys as better, and that I do not see them for what they really are. There are so many ways to blame yourself for someone else's flaws.

But regardles of my faults, I am never alone. My dreams keep me warm at night. You can smash my heart, take awat every one of my creature comforts, and lie to my face a million times. But I will never be broken. I might be sad. But it only fuels my fire. I have so much more, and I never sacrificed abything. So when you leave me with nothing, I am still so full.When i stopped taking care of others and starting taking care of myself, I blossomed. It seems strange...

A friend of mine has been working with me on some very cool projects (hush, hush sorry!) and wants nothing in return. I said, do you want a comission? And he said to me, "I want to help you because I think you are talented, special and deserve it. I only want your friedship because that is good as gold. I believe in you, and I know you are a star."


I guess what I have learned is that, you have to really love yourself in order to love anyone else. Love doesn't come from being lonely, or wishing for it, or trying to create it. It just happens. We are lucky to have one great love in our lives, maybe two over a lifetime. Most people realize this love much too late. My flaw, I suppose is picking guys who cannot stand to be alone, ever. And thus, fill their hearts + beds with whatever girl is willing to conform to their needs. They pick Lust over Love. Kelis knows what I am sayin! Or maybe they never loved me. Maybe that was a lie too. The only thing you can believe it seems are the things that come out of your own mouth. What comes out of mouth is COURAGE. PASSION. HARD WORK.

I've heard it said before that music is my boyfriend. This just might be true. I've been in a relationship with my dreams since I was 6 years old and althought gut wrenchung at times, this dream has been the one true love of my life.

So I say, stand up, be that determined, fierce, taleted, badass person you are. Don't worry about doing anything but being you, and try to do that perfectly. Someone might fall in love with you, and then again maybe they never will. But who cares? Your dreams can keep you warm. Girlfriends are great for chats, and doggies are great for cuddles! and in the end, you can always come chill with me and Hobo (she just a bath and smells like lavender).

Last night in the Peep dressing room was Beyonce on pandora radio night. Heard this track.

The show must go on.

I don't miss shows. Even when I look like this hot mess. If they let me dance, I will. The saddest thing about this picture is that the bowling trophy behind me is Tara's and not mine. Really the eaten up arms, not so bad.

" Keltie, I thought bad things happened in threes, but to you they seem to happen in twelves". - Mel B.

On the flip side, good things happen to me in like 2400's. I have SOOOOO much exciting news that I cannot share. It is all good in the hood, and I have located and killed the spiders that did this to me. Meanies.

SHOWTIME!

wakey, wakey, eggs and pasties.

I am covered in hives. Seriously. People say it is stress, but I think it might be not enough mint areo bars in my system? D?

I consider myself a pretty rad conversationalist. I love to read, books, newspapers and faces. I have been looking for someone to out chat me. I think I have found this person. One day we will all be old. One day we will all be has-beens. One day my face will be all wrinkled. One day I will have to have someone else bring me my cups of tea. One day, the only attractive thing about me will be my ideas, mind and thoughts.

I spend alot of time away from the people I love. I have always found myself in long distance relationships because of my never ending need to travel for work. I never give up my dreams for others and thus, I cannot always be with them. I still love to send snail mail to the people I care about most. But what I really love, really, really adore. Is spending an afternoon on the telephone with someone who has an amazing mind, and being out chatted. It makes me feel at home, even when I am far from, or still unsure of where home might be.

3 days until one of the fellows in the above picture comes to hang in Veg-lame-us. with me.

Dear...

Emily Shock,
You are so brilliant.
Love Keltie

Clinton Martin,
Please get older and then come dance/marry me.
Love Keltie

Glen hansard,
Thanks for making my second favorite soundtrack of all time and taking me back to the lower east side indie movie theatre where I would go and watch movies alone all summer long. There were lessons in those streets I should have listened to then. I am listening now.
Love Keltie





i guess it is...
that we all want the same basic things.
to be loved.
to be recognized.
to have purpose.
to give love.
as different as we all are.
it all comes down to the simplest needs.
and i am reminded how easy it is
to give what is needed
and how easy it is
to take it away
i hope i look to give myself
to the right people.
people who recognize me
as something they need
and want
someone who makes them feel
okay
and maybe complete
i also hope that
i slow down
and accept the love i am given
instead of grazing other pastures
full of empty things.
designer love.
boxes tied with strings.
i want to know what home feels like.
i want to search for what is really real.
so i am making a plea.
of a brighter day.
so that i can see clearer
what it is
that i honestly
need.

Covered in scars I did nothing to earn.

My homework that night at therapy was to make a list of all the expectations that I have for the way other people treat me. Some of the things I listed were, do what you say you are going to do, be honest, be happy for me when good things happen and of course, to be nice to me. My therapist told me that my expectations were pretty pathetic, and that those are things that ALL humans should be, and that I need to set the bar a little higher. I guess that hit home. I had spend my life never giving myself a single break. The standards which I held myself to were so much higher than I expected from anyone else. That was a good lesson. I think as an entertainer I had gotten so used to being used, talked down too, cut at auditions, treated badly by divas that somehow it had morphed into acceptable behavior in real life. I had a very hard time separating the two lives I had.


-R,R+R by Keltie Colleen

Expect the best-

Last night I got to meet my fellow Sugar & Bruno designer, and DWTS and SYTYCD Alum Lacey Schwimmer, she is so pretty and sweet ! Very cool to be in the family with her + her boyfriend is a total BABE. Get it Lacey!

***Also at Peepshow was the amazing RAY LEEPER! Such amazing energy. Realized last night that Albie is a rockstar in the dance world. Dated Mia? Knows every single person that walks through the door? Video with Bob Rizzo? In Bad Boys? Perhaps trying to matter in a world that doesn't matter to me was a huge mistake. Maybe the world in which I live and play, aka DANCEWORLD, really has everything I need. No need to cross market and play with things out of my realm. Why? When dancers are the best people? Like Ablie said to me last night. The most attractive thing about a person is talent, and so much talent in the world can be faked now a days, but dancers. You cannot fake it. You cannot airbrush it. You cannot auto tune it. It just is. He told me he has a hard time being atrracted to anyone but dancers because regular folk they lack that grace and self- awareness. Something to think about I guess...


Also had a really neato convo with Monica (and then had a dream last night we were girlfriends, she is really hot.) Anyways, it has to do with God, which I will not touch on here, but she said " maybe god was looking at you and realized that you were so strong in every other area except one, he decided that he needed you to get this weak area up on par with the other areas in your life". This was in response to me saying, just that, sometimes I just feel like I have such amazing control of everything in my life but my heart. I feel things so deeply and let so many people take advantage of my kindness. I am self-less in relationships and I always end up getting kicked in the ass. I am so the opposite in every other area of my dancelife and I just end up kicking ass. Monica says, perhaps that God was trying to teach me to follow this pattern in other areas. Lessons to be learned.

I also got this really amazing email from Bryan Hainer who is a super talented Photog I worked with on my new website (have you been yet??? www.keltiecolleendance.com!!!!!) and this is what he said, out of the blue....


"I've know you briefly but notice you often downplay yourself. You make a valid point about the industry of smoke and mirrors. We both know it is absolute bullshit at times! But dont underestimate what it took for you to get to where you are. Few people have the will power to do what you are doing and succeed. Many people are talented but it takes more than that to swim with the sharks and come out smiling. So don't let excessive humbleness overshadow your accomplishments! "

I thought that was really sweet and a great reminder, so here is a reminder to all of us! Get out there and kick butt! Be proud of yourself and expect the best out of people!!! Expect the best out of yourself and never settle for less than you deserve in any of the areas of your life!

I am proud of all of you. I am damn proud of myself. Thanks for all the emails. I get about 60 a day!!!!! I am WAY behind on responding but I love you all, admire your courage and passion for life!

FULL OUT!!! FEARLESS!!!!