Monday, April 20, 2009

real. or fake.

Here is the thing about "reality" tv. It isn't real. But no one knows that, or maybe everyone knows that. For me, I am not an actress. I do not know how to lie. I do not know how to be anything but me. Yesterday the producers of our show got some crazy ideas about staging a little "showmance" footage. This was not okay with me. I am trying (although, I am sort of an open book at this point) to keep my personal life to myself, and I am SURE I do not want it all over tv! So I said no. Guess what happened next?

Producers asks another girl in my cast to FAKE a showmance with MY showmance! So in our "real life" tv show there is a made up scene with them! So pissed that my FRIEND and my 'MANCE agreed! WHO DOES THAT?? #1- Lame #2- Ouch.I cannot believe I am upset over this. Even my non-boyfriends cheat! or fake cheat! Do I have a sign on my forhead that says, HURT MY FEELINGS? ugh.

fast forward: Woke up this morning to a knock on my door and a very sweet guy with a apology and some flowers. You know, I've waited a very long time for someone to screw up and just be a man and show up at my door, wanting to make it right. I think it takes pretty big balls to drive across town and knock at my door until I answer and say your piece when I won't look you in the eye. I am pissed. still. But I appreciate the gesture.

BUT: This whole thing makes me realize the fact that #1- I have terrible luck with boys #2- I really, really like the feeling of being alone and never having to worry about someone else's life hurting me. I hate crying. I hate being upset. I hate being treated bad. All of these things can be avoided if I just live a life of Keltie, friends and dance and leave the romances out of it.

This is the plan.

ps. I have only been honest and true on the show, so when/if you see it. Everything is 100% true coming out of my mouth.