Sunday, June 6, 2010

fall in love or fall in hate.

the way a heart breaks:

first night. cannot move. breathe. think. eyes swollen from sobbing. a list of why's. a list of regrets. a backpack full of denial. a phonecall could change it all back, but the phone never rings. forget eating. forget swallowing. forget smiling. walking away and no one is chasing after you. scared. alone. ruined.

months later. culprit finds their own regrets. sorry. forgive me. you are the greatest. friends? he says hello. wishing hello = the words that he will never say. would feel better. only feel worse. something like words cannot fix something like broken hearts. eating. breathing. dancing. every sad song is written for me. every boy i see will never be you. you love someone else. i still love you.

day after day. month after month. i swallow down our story. jealousy tastes horrible on my lips.

years later. clarity. you. ugh. the worst. only want the things you cannot have. my words. my time. my response. i don't love you anymore. i don't even like you. over.

last night. you came to me in my dreams. i won't let you haunt me when I am awake. smarter. you were sweet. version of you i wish you were. i could smell you. don't you dare. don't you fucking dare ruin this for me. got you out of my system. off my mind. out of my heart. stay away from me. i want nothing of you.