Friday, September 11, 2009

Unitarded.

It is a very sad day in NYC. Another year passes where we get to talk about our near misses on 9/11. It seems like it was yesterday. I think it is fitting that New York is in a state of downpour. The universe is crying. It should be. Have we made any great strides in the past 8 years? Have we started saying out thank you's and please's? Have we been better about telling the people we love that we love them? Have we become more kind? Compassionate? Accepting? Remember when we all made promises to do that? Maybe it is time for you and I to revisit that thought.

This week I got my old hard-drive back. Wow. There are some classics in my video collection. I have loved looking at these memories because it shows me where I was, and where I came from. Scott and I never won first place at any competition. I really loved my red uni. I really loved Scott as a partner. I didn't care about anything else. People often ask me if it is too late to start dancing, or start anything. The answer is NO! I am in grade 11 in this video, just a year off booking my first job. I can barely do the splits + my jumps stink. We are all working on being better, all of the time. I remember thinking I was so grown up this year. I had my first car. My first boyfriend. Had a job. Truth is, I knew nothing. I had no idea what real pain felt like. I hadn't gotten to the point in life where I had to make my social life plans based on how many hours I could stand on my messed up feet before they started hurting. I hadn't been in love. I hadn't been rejected by a million different casting agents. I hadn't been beat up on the subway. I hadn't been so poor I had to ask my brother for money behind my parents back because I had to ask them too. I hadn't danced at Madison Square Garden. I hadn't learned how to hail a cab.

It isn't so much that we should always be wishing for the moment in which we are "grown up" and know how the world works. I think it is more that we should be open minded enough to realize that we are never going to get to a place where we get to know all the answers. I think one of the problems in our society is that we are so stuck in our own beliefs that we are never really listening to others, or the lifeforces that come along. Our love is ment to look like a Disney Movie. Our hair is ment to look like the cover of a magazine. Our life is ment to be school, to work, to marriage, to house, to dog, to baby, to vacation, another baby... I can say as a "grown up" that we never really grow up. We just put our 14 year old selves into tougher situations. The same things still exist. Stupid jealousy. Really pretty girls who get all the boys. Failing at things. Your parents knowing what is best for you. Having nothing to wear and thinking that if you just HAD something to wear that everything will make sense. Trust me. The perfect pair of jeans will only stay perfect until the next pair comes along. I guess it is my goal that even though I plan on never ever growing up, I hope that I can grow enough to make better choices for myself. Grown up choices for a grown down girl. SWITCH!


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