Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Things one must have at rehearsal:
-early morning mug of tea.
-Team keltie Tshirt
-8 pairs of shoes.
-sweats + tights + legwarmers oh my.
-a big happy smile.

It was amazing first day of Rockettes rehearsal! Felt strange to be back in tights and laducas and my mind is spinning from absorbing the lines, depths and numbers all over again. I was placed on the stage right end position this year which is an honor! This stage right end girl leads the lines at all times. It is all on my shoulders to make sure I am perfect at every single moment. I accept this challenge!

On the way to work this morning we witnessed a TERRIBLE car crash, a semitruck skidded of the road and made a sandwich with itself and the divider, with a poor car in the middle. I cannot imagine that anyone survived. It really made me feel lucky to be alive, and reminded me that it could have been me, at any moment.

I was so happy today. Of course, it has to do with this being my favorite job in the world but there is something more. I have made this concious choice to be happy. Today in rehearsal I thought about how amazing it is that I get to do this for my job. Even is rehearsal I was beaming. Someone once said, "love what you do- you will never work a day in your life". I agree. Instead of living my day to FINISH rehearsal and get home, I was simply living INSIDE rehearsal, enjoying each step of the way. I think we can all stand to try to learn to do this. How many times are you just waiting for the weekend? I am determined to see the positive and best parts of the whole day. Focus on the people and things that make me smile.

Life comes to us in cycles. Mine is on the upswing.

I was just telling someone tonight that we just never get to know what the universe has planned for us. We can pine away and wish for things to be different than they are. I pushed + pushed + pushed, and cried my heart out to every single person who would listen. Then decided to focus on me, and making my life better. Alot of really great things happened. Then my heart hurt less + less until I realized I was over it + didn't care anymore. Does anyone else feel like it seems like as soon as this happens the universe sends a sign to the other side + when they realize we don't live under their fingernails anymore, well, everyone wants what they can't have. Why do people do this? I am glad that NYC is my city and I that there are bits of me all over it- I would never wish pain on anyone- but it warms my heart to know that I am not as easily erased as I assumed. It also warms my heart that my heart doesn't really care. I care far more about my going to bed with my amazing book, sending one of my besties flowers for her bday and keeping my body healthy for tommorrow. It amazes me that things that seemed so important just fade into the history books and become just another story that gets told. This sad story gets filed along side the other sad stories I have. I don't fall in love easily. I think that it is a super precious chance of a lifetime deal. I also don't fall out of love easily. It was hard but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Everyone can muster the words I love you. There are a few people in the word who actually know what it means to love someone, or even something. I consider myself one of those people. My love is true, but right now I am keeping it all for myself.