Wednesday, September 9, 2009

hearts + rationality are like oil + water

The day I decided to give up was the best day ever. It made room for happiness, growth and new wonderful people full of fresh starts and trust, friendship and respect. You know at the end of (500) days of summer when Summer says she can marry that guy because she is sure of everything that she was not sure of when she was with Tom. I am in that place. It's great. You can hold on and hold on and hold on but I assure you. Silence is golden. The answer you need is always in the silence you receive. Here I am right this second. I can smell NYC coming through the window. I am here because I am working on a great project. This is my fourth year at the VMAS and is going to be a career defining moment of epicness for me. I have to admit my heart hurt a little walking into the hall last night. Love is weird like that, over time all the bad horrible things fall away and it leaves us with only sweet memories. My heart hurt a little last night but life goes on and I want more. More for myself and I think that things like that will always hurt. But only a little.

Nicole said to me, "of course it did, but only a little. Only. Little. Progress."

A little tiny moment of, "remember when?", isn't so bad. It isn't the end of the world. This year I get to be there on my own name and on my own talent. Even better. Funny that the lady I am dancing beside is in the exact same boat. Seems like it happens to be strong, fearless, single female year at the VMAS. I am glad how it all came together.

Some things will always hurt. But the more I think about it rationally, the more I realize how much better off I am. My heart has not learned to think rationally 100% of the time yet, but it sure is trying.

I don't know if it is just me but my head and heart generally tell me the exact opposite. The challenge is getting your head and heart to work in harmony.

Last night my ever amazing friend Stacey created this on SYTYCD. Sorry but I tend to think that the Canadian version is WAY better than the US version this season. Except for Kat. (girl crush!). I love the push and pull of her choreography and I love how raw the movement is. I don't think these two really WENT THERE. But it was amazing regardless. Hit home. As Always. Maybe because we are from the same home. :)