Wednesday, August 5, 2009

finally met a girl who is gonna put him first...

I have been complaining to Nicole for the last 30 minutes about how badly my feet are aching. I knew that the days would come in my dancelife where I hurt for no reason, or that the reason that my body is worn out, tired and wants an office job! I am having huge issues with my arches, feet and tendonitis everyday. I wake up hurting. I walk around hurting all day. I got to sleep hurting. When my mom was visiting she told me I woke her up in the middle of the night rubbing my feet in my sleep.

The first thing my very smart, fellow Rockette friend Nicole says to me is " Are you icing, heating and stretching them really well before and after shows everyday?". My answer is of course no.

I came from the kill it till you break it school of dance. Shelley filled us full of aspirin when we hurt something and we kept on dancing. In the last 5 years the Rockettes and the amazing physical trainers that work for them have been advising us on treating our bodies so good so that we can prevent any future injuries. We do active warm-ups, tape BEFORE we get blisters and ice bath each day so that our muscles can be renewed each day and reborn the next day.

This got me thinking about my most powerful muscle. What kind of physical training am I doing for my heart? It seems to me that we go through life running from situation to situation fixing what is broken and not much else. We get our hearts broken and we tried to fix it. We mend, bandage and try to put our pieces back together at the end.

I was just thinking about what a better state we would all be in if we treated our hearts the way the rockettes make us treat our bodies. What if we looked at ourselves each day and honestly put in the effort to prevent these breaks. I mean, let us all be honest, we have all felt that "something is wrong" feeling in our guts. What if instead of pushing that to the back burner and waiting for a huge outcome we addressed it right when it was nudging at our hearts. If we read the books, followed the rules and took really good care of our souls right from the get go. Instead of depending on someone to make us feel better, more complete, or loved- What if we spent time doing these things for ourselves each day? What if life forced us to visit the "training" room each day and spend sometime working on those little nagging voices in our heads before we got to the point where we are singing sad songs crying on the phone to our best friends?

I think this is what is beautiful about meditation. Something I seem to never do enough. I like to think meditation is my little "heart therapy" room. But I have to think to myself why am I not visiting each and everyday. It feels so great to get focused, enlightened and feel peaceful. It is refreshing. Almost like jumping in a 47 degree ice bath at the end of an 8 hour rehearsal day. You think it is going to be brutal, but you leave feeling like you have fresh legs. Some days I need a fresh heart!

I was thinking about what relationships would be like if you and your partner had to spend time each day in the "training room". What if you just sat and kinda checked in to make sure you were both on the same page, get all those " it really hurt me when you did this" out and look each other in the eye and say " this is still really where I want to be, let's go have another really great day". I think there would be alot less broken hearts and miscommunication.

So. maybe it is because my name is Keltie and that is Irish. But for the past 5 months it seems everything I love and listen to is Irish. Frames. Damien. The script. LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. Found this amazing cover of the tube. I love the line "finally met a girl who is gonna put him first". This will be the downturn of my life. I have heard the, "it's just it doesn't seem like you have time for me." + then me have to have the " I can't put you first, I've been in a relationship with my dreams since I was 3 years old, that is my priority relationship, I am sorry." I swear. One day I will be with someone who thinks this is great and is strong enough and has enough of a life that he doesn't need a girl following him around 24/7. I will never be that girl. It is kinda sad, as maybe this means I will always end up alone. It is kinda amazing because I really love dancing.

Ps. My feet still really hurt. My sweet guy told me that he is going to just carry me around so that I don't have to stand on them anymore. I have never been treated so nice. It is really, really, really strange. and wonderful.