Thursday, August 26, 2010

the good fight.

I had the most amazing conversation with my mom today. Hospitals offer no distractions. There is only talking and jello.I am in the middle of my own little pity party. I plan on attending it for one more day before putting back on my combat boots of life and walking with my head held high.

I have been working as a professional dancer for almost 10 years. This was my dream and it has never been lost on me that I chose a career that is very unstable and pretty messed up. I sacrificed EVERYTHING to do this. I totally did this to myself but I cannot explain to you how painful it is to work so hard and put so much time and energy into creating the life of your dreams not only with your body, but with your soul. Being a good person, being positive, not backstabbing people, working hard...all of those things should count right? Sadly, most of time in this business they simply don't. You can be discarded like trash after years of hard work. It is very painful. Not only because for me, I am losing something I love deeply, but mostly because it just shows me that good things don't always happen to good people. I hate that.

My mom said to me today, "oh honey, I wish that good always equaled good but it simply does not. It's very sad. That doesn't mean that you are to stop fighting the good fight. I am not sure the reason, but you just have to."

One of the hardest things I have ever had to learn in life is that the things you love won't always love you back. It is heartbreaking. It is disappointing. But this is just the way it is.

So you cry.
All day long.

and then tomorrow, you get back to fighting the good fight.
Because you just have to.