Monday, November 9, 2009

Never is a promise + you can't afford to lie.

I ponder the effects of luck and disaster on the human heart. As a child I had no real awareness of the human fragility, but I absolutely knew that shooting stars pirouetted across the universe. Life, my search for truth, seemed dusted by a dash of magic.

Only now in the wake of fortune, do I truly understand.

It's so easy to misconstrue even the tiniest words & actions when your attempting such a fragile part of a relationship with thousands of miles between the two of you. When it comes down to it, he has to work harder than he would if I were just up the street to keep me. I've got 31 cities full of people I am going to interact with in the next two months & if he wants you to keep that "reserved" sign on my heart for him, he better be absolutely sure & make it absolutely clear.

I would like to thank my wonderful friend shushu for being the most amazing woman I know. If you do not follow her blog you should. She is brilliant. She is the best person to bounce ideas of off. She says such epic stuff at 3 am that I cannot even begin to write it all down. I wish I lived in a perpetual time frame of 3 am's so that I could just hear her rationalize life for me. She makes sense in a way that most things do not.

She said to me last night:
"So you want a disclaimer up front to know what you're getting into and if it's worth it...
What sucks is that if you get lied to in the're screwed and you're really angry because you gave your's and you stuck to it like glue...and you said, in black and white bold font size 32 print "do not break my heart." and they said okay and signed at the dotted and then changed their mind."