Friday, November 27, 2009

My head's lost but I'm heartstrong

I am stuck with a problem.

And you've been trying to pick me up like a ghost from the past
But you found that it's hard with your blood stained hands

I am standing in the middle of a street and on one side is this person who no matter what I do still creeps under neath my skin whenever I become even a little bit weak. In unfairness of it all, I still ask the question "how is it humanly possible to be as happy as you seem?" There is this great line that says " I hope you are as happy as your pretending." I find myself wishing happiness for everyone around me and, in my most selfish moments also kinda hoping it isn't true. I wish that everything I did not want to see on a regular basis just got sucked into a giant black hole, I want this happiness to be in some alternative universe where I never have to see it. Regardless, this side of the street is like the scar I have on my legs from a long ago ice skating incident, a vivid reminder that I am human, I can get hurt, cut and eventually will heal-But there will always be that big red scar there. Every time I look down I am reminded to not skate on thin ice. Literally + figuratively.

One the other side of the street there is this something wonderful. Something shiny and new. Something tall, and sweet and gorgeous. Makes me want to run and skip and dance. But for the life of me I cannot figure out if I am skipping because they are in fact wonderful, or if I am just so used to feeling like my heart is garbage day in New York City that it amplifies the wonderful-ness. I guess that time will tell, unless of course, I get to scared and run away- My very favorite past time...

There is a alot of me that feels like making turns to the right and the left are both giant mistakes. I am seriously thinking that maybe walking straight and taking my chances with the oncoming traffic is a safer bet. I can deal with the pain of broken limbs but I am terrified of doing anything to shatter my heart.

Teddy Knows what I am talking about...