Friday, October 30, 2009

“All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.”

Hello. Sorry I have been far away. I am having one of those no-good-very-bad weeks mixed along with 10 hour rehearsal days and it has left me 100% unable to function come 11 pm.

First of all, thanks for all your love and support during this week. Shushu had to lend me clothes, buy me margaritas and hug my sorry self too many times this week. I would also like to thank catering for making the most delicious bread pudding. It really keeps me going from the hours of 1-6 pm. Yum.

I would like to YELL at the top of my lungs at timezones, small airports + lack of direct flights from wherever I am to my home town. It should not take 16 hours to fly to your hometown. It is just so unfair. I can get to Hong Kong faster. Rockettes have a 3 day weekend this week while the show is loaded up here in PA and trucked to Canada for our opening week. Most of the girls will be spending 12 hours on the bus and a few days off in hotel rooms but not me. I am getting out. Going somewhere. Getting away from my blues. I wanted so badly to go home and see my mommy but thanks to annoying airports and flight times I can't make it in time. I can actually make it to LA and back faster. Light bulb.

One of my greatest flaws + greatest attributes is that I 100% do not think before I act. I say, do and feel whatever is in my mind and just do it. This gets me in trouble most of the time, sometimes makes me look like a complete bitch, and also tends to annoy others. Some of the time this habit creates the best memories ever. I never think wizely, should I do this? I just do it. Usually I end up thinking about it later, sometimes with regret and sometimes with bliss. No matter what happens I am so glad that I am a jumper. Life is so short. You never know when your bottom will fall out and you will find yourself crawling instead of skipping. Skip while you can. I do.

I say, just go for it. Jump headfirst fearlessly into everything. I have read all the books on the rules, and the way you should act and the things you should say. Those things never work. You know what works? Being awesome. Being yourself. Being honest. Putting as much energy into yourself as you do every other aspect of your life. Leaning on your friends when you need them + being leaned on sometimes too. If you need to cry, let it be wide mouth open sobs in front of everyone, stop hiding in the bathroom. If you need to laugh, make sure it is the biggest belly laugh you can muster. Who cares if people look at you, they are only looking because they are jealous they were not in on the joke (which if told by me would be pretty funny, or so I think.)

I don't know what we are. I don't know what you think. I know that your face makes me happy and I need to have your arms around me because right now, life has got me crawling. You make me happy. That is all.