Friday, October 16, 2009

Here I am and here we go again.

Thia year in Rockettes our dance captains like to use the word " situation". They say things like "we have a bent arm situation" or "it is a hover over your number situation".

I write you with some ultimate butterflies in my belly. I find myself in a "jump headfirst off a cliff into life situation". As you might have noticed, this seems to be a running theme in my life. I refuse to be held down by "what ifs" and "that can never work" and instead play the "I will just jump in headfirst, swim around for a while, and if I get eaten by sharks then so be it". There are pieces of my heart that have been thoroughly munched by the bad guys, but I cannot seem to let myself live in a closet of fear and cautions. I have way too much faith in the universe.

My favorite used-to-be-neighbour friend Greggy said to me this to me today:

"I am just over protective of you. You seem to get super smitten and then have these horror stories to go along with it. I want a background check,a credit check, blood work and a psychoanalysis. I support you either way but you are beautiful and smart and funny and it gets old hearing about guys treating you badly."

I am so lucky to have such amazing friends in my life to keep me grounded. Unfortunately for them, I live far away from the ground in a fantasy world filled with endless doughnuts, romantic comedy movies, the "once" soundtrack and beautiful plans filled with beautiful people who instead of falling apart fall in love. This is what I want and I will keep on jumping until I get it.

I had to audition to be a Rockette THREE times before I got this job. That means they saw over 2700 girls before they found little me who fits nice and snug at the end of the line stage right. Someone out there in director land was looking for someone just like me. I believe this in my dance life and I believe it even more so in my heart. Dates are like auditions, sometimes you get a callback and sometimes you just have to try again next year. But if it is your dream job you are ALWAYS hoping for that callback. I know I am.