Tuesday, January 19, 2010


First of all happiest bday to my sister shushu. if you are not already following her blog well, you should. http://shuflyeyehigh.blogspot.com/ She is delicious.

So, first week in El Lay is under my belt. I am not longer sleeping on the floor, I know my cross streets, I have a semi-sweet ride. I had some bad auditions. I had some bad gut feelings.
I had some moments of "I love LA!" followed almost immediately with "I HATE LA!".

Last night, I went to the causecast event at Les Deux. All the proceeds from the evening went to causecast.org and bettering the world. Delicious. I brought along my neighbour C.perri and she turned to me mid-party and said something so epic.

"It smells in here"

I asked "like what"


So true. I couldn't put my finger on what I was seeing all week. The girls who all look the same, as if there was only ONE kind of beautiful and it came in leather leggings, ankle boots and long bleach Blondie hair extensions. Watching people in a room and realize that it is all one big competition to out "cool" each other, for attention and to be the best, prettiest, richest, most popular.

I myself, had a certain stench around me also, desperation, but for different reasons. I am newbee to LA and I am eager as hell to prove that I can book work on both coasts. I attended an audition this week and got cut FIRST ROUND. Devastating. I cannot remember the last time I auditioned and didn't make it past, at the very least, the first cut. I spent the rest of the week in a pathetic pity party of, "what have a done-when is the next flight to NYC?"

Last night after the party Chris sat me in her car and mentioned that I seemed sad. I told her I was just disappointed. In myself. In how I can let the silver lining of what might be in my heart leave me utterly distracted in my work. How one bad audition makes me feel like throwing years of hard work away.

I woke up this morning and headed to a new audition. This time, knowing I wasn't even available to work the dates (I'm heading to Canada this week). Instead of bathing myself in "eau de desperation" I just went to dance, have fun, and enjoy my body. I ended up loving the combo, dancing my butt off, and walking out feeling that old familiar feeling of - I left it all on the floor-

30 minutes later I received a text from the choreographer saying good job + that I was on the radar to be booked.

Bottom line:

Never love anything because you are desperate for it to love you back. Not a city, not a job, not a man. Hold true to who you are, believe in yourself- your talents, your personality + your quirks.

You are not going to be right for everything, or everyone.

But if you give up when it gets hard, you give up your chance to be right for something or someone <3