Thursday, January 14, 2010


Maybe I am a little slower than the rest of the planet when it comes to heart healing but I own my past. I am not afraid to say, yea, it hurt, yea, it took me forever and a day to be okay about it. I do not shy away from hard questions or huge failures. I learned more from the failures then I ever did from being on top. I learned more about myself from being hopeless and crawling out from that deep, dark depression than I ever did when things were easy. I am glad I felt that way, I am glad it hurt so bad because it is the only way that I can understand how lucky I am to feel so happy.

Last night I had an amazing conversation about warning signs. How because we are falling for someone we look past all the signs that maybe, this is not the right person for us. I can rationalize a terrible haircut and a terrible boyfriend till the cows come home. And I have.

The great thing about being without love in your heart for so long is that, the influx of it, of someone new and special and wonderful feels like a mix between, fairy dust, cupcakes + heaven. I knew in my heart that I did not just want to "replace" anyone, for the sake of not being alone. I am fine being alone. I knew that at some point I would meet someone who stitched up that last little tiny open sore of my lovescar. Honestly. Not because I wanted to prove that I was okay, or that I could. Because I felt it. I knew what I was looking for. I knew that if I kept my hopes high and my view of what I wanted in front of my eyes that at some point, there would be someone who did not disappoint.

the next time you feel like you have no options, that maybe, "sort of terrible" is the best you will ever get, or that, it feels scary to forge out into that big old dating world to find someone new instead of going back to "treats you like shit" just remember that, being alone means you are available for someone heart changing. If you are too busy looking at "treats you like shit" you won't ever look over and see the spectacular things that are just past them.

I love the feeling of having chairs pulled out for me, doors opened for me and for sweet, innocent nervous kisses on the cheek.

If it's a broken heart then face it.
Hold your own.
Know your name.
Go your own way.