Sunday, January 17, 2010

mean girl.

the act of not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.

I spent so much of the last year biting my hate, suppressing my hurtful feelings and instead putting all of it on me. Yesterday I had the meanest day of my human life, I told two different people what I honest thought about them and what they were doing with their lives, that I think they are complete fuck-ups. Yup. Little old me. The girl who never hates anyone and never has anything bad to say. I pride myself on being able to be a compassionate human and seeing the good in everyone. I just, got to a point where I have watched enough people blow the amazing chances they were handed on a silver platter and it is annoying looking through the eyes of someone who has had to beat, cry and struggle her way to even a tenth of that luck.

I said to Alex " I am being such a brat! I am never like this! Don't you ever just feel like being hones?"

He replied "Of course i do! Were only human".

The gross thing is that I am able to do this because I am fearless about the outcome. You can only really be cruel to someone when you expect the words to be the last you ever say. You truly do not care.

Apparently, people bring down other people to feel better about themselves. That is what I have always been told. I don't know why I did it, but...I surely do not feel any better about myself. I hate myself a little today actually.

Bottom line: Take the high road. Low road is filled with low life's. Being a low life feels gross.

good thing it is always day one.

day one.