Friday, March 26, 2010

sleeping to dream.

i have no idea where the last eight weeks went. I know that I spent time at sxsw, went to nyc to shoot the nationwide ad, shot a music video in la, judged, danced, auditioned, ate, saw two movies, washed my car once- I assume there were a few nights of sleep in there somewhere but I cannot be sure. I know I have been up before 6 am more times than I would choose.

Currently I am in NYC filming some stuff that I cannot talk about on here yet. I am happy to be here, and this is all very exciting but I am so far behind in life, bills, phone calls, emails, laundry. I woke up yesterday morning and was happy that my eye makeup from yesterday had not been disturbed in my few short hours of sleep- it has "slept over" well enough for me to just rock it again to the airport. gross. I danced for 8 hours the day before, in a room of 500 of the best dancers in LA at the xtina audition (I eventually got cut). When I got home I was tired that after feeding myself + packing for a week in nyc I fell asleep, with big plans to shower at 4 am before my flight. When my alarm woke me at 4 am, the extra 15 minutes of sleep seemed like a better idea. So i sat for 6 hours on a plane next to a poor fellow who could mostly likely smell me with yesterdays sweat on my skin, yesterdays makeup on my face and huge plans to get some sleep in nyc.

People always ask me how I stay so motivated + driven. I usually answer "because this is what I love to do". I think the more honest answer is that I am searching for something, somewhere that I am not sure exists- and that if I stopped chasing it and slowed down for a moment I might give myself the chance to see that I am out of my mind.

I always tell people to not give up + to go after their goals. I will stand by that. But I want you to know, it will not come without huge amounts of sacrifice.