Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's raining in Baltimore baby, but everything else is the same.

I am not going to say what I want to say, because I don't even want it to exist.
But I looked up today and a year had passed.
The people around me were talking and reminsiing about this skinny girl and a banana suit dancing around the stage taking pictures. I hadn't seen the staff in Baltimore since last year. People began to ask me what happened and I just answered with, things change.

And they do don't they? Or at least some things do.

Same city.
Same hotel.
Same job.
Same Arena.
Same Show.
Same Staff.
Same dressers.
Same dirty wood stage.
Same dressing room.
Same catering room.
Same training room.
Same call board.
Same costumes.
Same paycheck.
Same friends.
Same Aquarium.
Same phone number.
Same hairspray.
Same shoes.

A different me, minus you.

It's not sad. It's just different. You just learn to pull out that paint brush and paint over those memories when they threaten to stop you in your tracks. It was fun playing make believe for all those years, but I am realist now. I realize that the only things that you can ever count on are the things that stay. Not everything, or everyone, will. You might wake up one day and everything will be the same and everything will be different and everything and nothing will make sense. You will be happy and sad. You will be hopeful and hopeless.

And that is just the way it is.

I need a raincoat.