Thursday, April 22, 2010

The day I almost met and fell madly in love with Matt Nathanson

(yes it was thumbs up awesome)

Hi. It is April something two thousand and ten. I am writing from LAX. Flying home to YEG. Edmonton. Nothing special. I spend most of my free time waiting in airports to fly somewhere. I am wearing what I almost always wear when I fly. Black leggings, black tunic, giant yellow carti, scarf and my fav free people boots. Today I magically wore my one very special single super long feather earring. I thought this morning as I got dressed “Should I wear my magical feather today? I might lose it. I might ruin it. I might break it.” There was no reason to look overly cute at LAX, and on the other end is my mother who, has to love me no matter what even when I am ugly.

But something deep down inside me (aka.ghost of Matt nathanson) told me- Wear your feather. Just like that my luggage, my feather and myself were off to LAX.

While at LAX I bought the biggest diet coke I could find and sat on the floor. My best friend boobs called me and I told her the story of my date last night.

I was on a date last night and in the middle of dinner I straight up said to the fella. If I choose to be in a relationship with you (which I won’t. total dud. see reason below) I need an out. If I ever get the chance to have an epic stay up all night listening to portishead +drinking tea + smelling like fresh shower and nivea make out session with Matt Nathanson. I need you to be okay with that. I need to be able to do that. Date did not think that was okay. (see? dud.) He said, if you are going to do it. Do it now. Trust me dudface, I totally would if I could.

Fast Forward back to LAX. Back to extra special earring. Back to phone convo. End Phone convo. Dude in red shirt at the gate gives me sex eyes and I notice he is wearing a giant sparkly diamond earring in one ear. It is not 1996 dude, N'sync and all its fashion is O-V-E-R. Unless of course, Matt Nathanson wanted to wear a giant sparkly earring in one ear, then it would be the hottest thing ever and I would totally gnaw on that sexbomb of a cubic zirconia.

So I am sitting at the gate and I check my Twitter and Matt Nathanson has tweeted. Not morning records or 80’s movies like he normally does. Matt tweeted that HE WAS AT LAX. My heart started to race. I grabbed my chap stick (because obviously when you are completely hung over and have not showered and have been up since 5:30 am and are wearing yesterdays eye makeup- chap stick is going to be able to save your less than stellar face) However, I was completely happy that I had chosen to be on team feather earring that morning. score.

In typical stalking Matt Nathanson fashion (I read my mom this story before I posted it + she said "so, you are pretty much creepy stalking him then...yes mom. I am.) Anyways, I tweeted at Matt, like, 3 times. Only 17, 549 less times than I really wanted to. restraint. nbd. At this point I have stood up and am now standing sort of in front of where the security line ends hoping he would walk by. I had a fever. My heart was racing. Every time some messy head of hair looked up from putting their shoes back on I was convinced it would be him. Eventually I moved back to my gate, and as I stood LAST IN LINE staring out into the terminal, I was still hoping Matt Nathanson would walk by.

Matt Nathanson did not walk by. BUT IF HE HAD, I know he would have fallen instantly madly in love with me, my sparkling personality, my eaude de hangover and my super special only one ear really long feather earring.

As I sat down in lonely seat 23A (sigh) I checked my twitter because of course, it had been like 6 minutes and I was starting to get hives without knowing what was going on in the twitterverse and there is was...

This happened. I almost would have met Matt Nathanson today and he would have told me how beautiful I was, and how charming my tweets are, and then we would talk about the fact that he was now single and his (ex) wife had moved to India to become a lesbian yoga guru and there were no hard feeling and no emotional baggage (none of that is true. damn.) and that he was four thousand percent ready for the next love of his life (aka. me) and that he had fallen instantly in love with me and then we would make out for like, 3 to 7 hours. When we took make out breaks he would use those breaks to sing me little victories in sexytime whisper voice and also tell me he never wanted to be apart from me or my extra special single ear only extra long feather earring ever.

The end.

The moral of the story is Matt Nathanson is the and so is my feather earring.