Friday, June 17, 2011

In my life I had a godfather who was 6'6 and a deep-voiced, sort of intimidating farmer. He bought me my first roses. He used to tell me that "any boy who wanted me had to meet DA GODFATHER first". This past December when the girls from TWLOHA came to my house for a book party, he scared the crap out of them. Sometimes the things people do for you, stand out more than the words they say. He never said much. But, he was there for every single big day of mine. He bored people with stories of my adventures and when I showed up today in my 4 inch back heels, instead of cowboy boots, my mom told me "that is just the way he would have wanted you to be! Standing out from the crowd!"

Today we had the viewing of my godfather. I cried through the whole thing. I have so many memories of this amazing, sweet man. He was my biggest fan. Weird to be in a room of people and everyone knowing who you are because they've heard about your entire life.

I couldn't stop thinking about today was how we spend our entire lives collecting "things". We live in this insane commercial world where everything is for sale and our worth is determined by what we have surrounding us. My godfather passed away and now we must get rid of his cows, peacocks, shop, farm, cats, dog, even the turkey (who has been camped out on the hood of his pick-up truck waiting for him to get back) Everything must go. At the end of your life why did you work so hard to collect things? You should have been collecting memories.

LA has played a trick on me, it got me thinking that I am a less than person with my less than car and my second hand clothes. That I need a house with a pool. That I need fancy meals and fancy friends.

Today made me want to hug my parents, forgive my enemies, tell swoon I love every inch of his 6'5 self with all of my heart. It made me want to walk my dog, see the world, and relish in this awesome adventure called life. It did not make me want to drive a bmw. It didn't make me want to buy designer clothes. It did not make me want anything but to live my life completely full out and fearless.

People die. Unexpectedly.

So, start collecting love + memories and worry less about whatever new, hot thing that is being thrown in your face.

I know I am not making sense.
Just I love you.
I'm sad.
I wish I had the ability to tell people how much they mean to me before I can't say those things anymore.