Saturday, April 30, 2011

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.

I remember once being so heartbroken I couldn't get out of bed. More than once. When I look back at what I have learned about love, it really boils down to the fact that I never really loved myself. It seems pretty silly right? For a very long time, I very openly blamed a whole handful of other humans for the fact that they couldn't love me right. Although those people are not all together innocent, most of the blame landed on me. I came from a world of dance where perfection could never be reached. I would spend numerous hours each day of my life growing up picking myself apart in floor to ceiling mirrors. I've been pretty cruel to myself over the years. It is no wonder then, that I easily connected with other people who also were pretty cruel to me. It felt really right. I started to fight for recognition in my career and my relationships the same way, by pretending that everything was fine and never letting anyone see me cry. I could barely take care of myself, but I found it helpful to my heart to attempt to take care of others, almost obsessively.

I spend two years alone, working on my heart and out of the awesome abiss came swoon. I have never met a better human, or a better man. I get to spend my days with my best friend and someone I admire and look up to (and also, have to look up to, see video!)

It's May, and that calls for a home movie. I hope that you like it and feel inspired to find you own swoon one day...