Thursday, April 21, 2011
I know it is guest blogging month, so I haven't been writing a ton but I felt compelled to write a little today.
A few years ago I laid in my bed in Queens crying my eyes out feeling the lowest of lows and seriously contemplating going downstairs and drinking the bottle of bleach under my sink. I felt like there was no reason to go on, and that the world was always going to be this muddled, backwards, non-karmic nightmare.
So, I started writing. You started reading. I fell and in and out of love. In and out of hate with myself. But most of what you were reading was a daily letter to myself to KEEP GOING. I am so happy it inspired you and touched you, but mostly I am so glad that I didn't drink the bleach that day, or any of the other days afterwards I have wanted to.
Sometimes I wish that when we were born we were given a map so that we could be semi-informed of where life's twists and turns might take us. I think it might be easier to navigate if we at least had a hint of where we might end up.
I just wanted to say, please do not give up. It is really easy to think that happiness and success and love look exactly like we pictured at 6 years old after watching wonder years re-runs, but I think real success isn't about bmw's or fancy shoes. Success to me is creating art with integrity and being able to pay my rent. I used to think that happiness existed inside the "cool" people or certainly inside of rooms that I was never being invited into, but I have figured out that happiness comes when you actually like yourself. Liking myself was one of the hardest things I ever had to learn.
And love, ah love. Love isn't a lovesong, or a picture that looks sweet, or a million people ooohhhing and ahhhhing over how cute you are together. Love is when someone stays up all night with you to help you practice being yourself, because you are so bad at letting people see the "real" you, that you actually have to prepare in order to speak about yourself.
Staying true to who you are and not letting the million pieces of who you should be that the universe throws at our eyes is one of the biggest challenges of our generation. I am so glad that we are all here together figuring out how to do that.
Posted by Keltie C. at 5:25 PM