In more exciting news I woke up to a phone call from one if the directors of HOUSE MD. So weird to not be begging people to like my work, I cannot really actually even digest it yet. He said many epic things, but the one that stuck with me was, I think the theme of your story is "hope goes a long way". Isn't that just gorgeous? So true. I have lived the better part of my life, wishing, hoping for whatever that next thing is. In between all of that I have been convinced that I am a talentless, idiot. Isn't that the struggle of life? Waking up each morning and knowing that 90% of the world is going to try to beat the crap out of your confidence all day long so that they can feel slightly better about themselves, it is just a vicious cycle, we all just keep doing it to eachother. I think over the past few years I have grown a deliciously thick skin, rarely does the world know me down to a lowest low anymore with their cruel thoughts. But you know what you simply can't get away from? Yourself.
Ugh. Wake up, look in the mirror. I hate my damn skin. Why Am i so pale? Why is my hair always a mess? Get in the shower. Why does my belly always look like a food baby is inside? I need a pedicure. My feet are awful. My boobs are pathetic. My arms have too many moles. Get out of shower. Get dressed. Why can't I be 6 feet tall? Why does this not look good? I hate my butt. I hate my boobs (again). I hate this shirt. Why did I think wearing this shirt would be a good idea. Why do I even own a star wars T-shirt? I hate star wars. Why did culture make me thing that I might like myself more if I wore this, and place it in front of me. I hate this shirt. I hate star wars. I hate myself. Makeup time. Mom says my eyebrows are to fat. I like them. But why do they grow so fast! I hate my nose. I hate my skin. I need concealer. more concealer. and finally more concealer. I hate my eyelashes. How the hell do the kardashians always look good? I hate my face. I hate myself. I hate everyone.
It is so hard to see the good in things when we can only see the bad in ourselves.
"Angela: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me."-my so called life.
