Monday, February 14, 2011

If it's not like the movies...

I laid awake for hours last night.
I stared at the wall.
I was pretty sure that all my fears were going to eat me alive.
I could not breathe.
By morning I had devised a brilliant plan to run away from everything, go hide in some European country and drink tea all day, live alone, without any knowledge of the entire life and world I left behind.
I would base my success on if I brewed a good cup of tea.
I would base the strength of my heart on my ability to be strong enough say no to each Casanova that came into my sight.
I would do yoga everyday. Eat Vegetables. I would walk everywhere. I would listen to classical music only.
Because right now, I do none of those things. I base my success on everything I have yet to accomplish and instantly erase anything nice about myself. I hate my heart and the way it ticks. I never go to yoga. I eat peanut butter and cokes. I am not sure, on most days, if I even really like myself. I cannot fathom why YOU like me.

but, as promised to me by the universe, each dark night gives way to the sun shining through the window.
...and in the morning I woke up, and was face to face with a million reasons why I just cannot give up. The universe is like that isn't it? Just when you think you cannot go on, it gives you a reason to.

What haunts me at night blasts me with light during the day.

Promise me, that the next time you are lying awake at night thinking you want it all to end, that you will come here are read this. You never know what magic tomorrow might bring.