this is me in grade 9 baby.

here is the truth...

I am happy to report that at my high school reunion not one person remembered that I lost my final adult tooth just shy of the start of grade 12 and I spent most of my senior year with a wire connecting the giant HOLE in my smile with my bottom tooth in hopes that with a little extra nudge that it would come in before graduation photos. whew.

Evenutally, you forget it all. first you forget everything you learned- the dates of wars and pythagorean theorem. you especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before, you forget the names of all but one or two of your teachers, and eventually you forget those too.
That the guy that dumped you will finally, ten years later tell you that all these years he has been thinking of you and has regretted it. He will be way less cute. whew. The guy who you never stood a shot with went bald and isn’t even half as cute as he was sitting in the lunch room with that red tshirt on. Wear sunscreen, stay cute girls.

You forget your class schedule and where you used to sit and your best friends phone number and lyrics to the song you played a million times, and eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations. they just fade away. It seems that no one remembers the time that in front of my entire grade 12 english class in a pair of white pants I got my period for all to see. Sadly though, no one remembered my awesome rendition of Santa Baby at the holiday showcase. damn.

I can honestly say that I remember almost nothing I learned in school (I was an honor student, and now have trouble spelling and forming sentences...sad) , I remember CRYING over my scientific calculus and studying for hours to ace the biology finals. you forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did, they’re the last to go, and once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else. People will get older and they will get married to people they meet at college, at work and travelling. Not one person from my class actually ended up with their high school sweetheart...pressure is off! Almost everyone at my reunion is married and has one, or two kids, some of my best friends from school are super preggers right now. Giant parts of me feel like I am still the same outcast, social extrovert, work-a-holic introvert from school, maybe some things never change. There are huge pieces of me that feel like I am behind the times, no husband, no babies, no house...but then again, my plans never really included any of those things...

I spent the better part of my reunion telling the same story, the answer to what do you do now?

well I live in LA, I have a dog, a little place to live, and I do some dancing, some making up of dancing, I work with celebs sometimes, I have a clothing line, a radio show, a blog, a dvd, I teach, I judge, oh...and I just signed a 40 episode deal for a tv show that will actually air in canada...

to which most people answered, so you pretty much did exactly what you said you were going to do then?

yea pretty much.

we all dream different dreams, and that is what makes life so exciting, so hold true to what you really want to do with your life and focus on that. Fall in love and make babies, or travel the world in sport. But more than anything, be nice to everyone you meet, throughout all of your life, because one day, you might be in a room with 200 people who represent your growing up years and just think of how those people will remember you. I was happy as a clam to hug every single person in that room. I have never, and will never believe in groups, cliques or hating on people just because they are different. I didn’t in school and ten years later I still don’t. There is beauty in all of our dreams, all our differences and in all of us!

bev facey forever!

my favorite thing to do is this. always has been. always will be.
dance is my first love. my best friend. and my own personal lifesaver.
i cannot find sense in most of life but I can always make sense out of steps and music. always. there will always been a million stories to tell. a million steps to take.


you should take it like a man.

leotarded.

this week I am shooting the new ads for discount dance + last week at my fitting I sat down with my them + made this with brett. we are cooking up some mega rad dancer stuff for DDS, a place where everything dance can come together in one easy, make it happen, see dance, live dance, make dance dreams happen place. it will be epic, and afterwards I will need a nap.

things you should know: i forgot my makeup. i am not wearing pants, during any of this. my smile is crooked. leotarded is my new word. get into it.

"wow."



"exactly."


That's what it feels like when you touch me. Like millions of tiny universes being born and then dying in the space between your finger and my skin. -#iwtfy

you.

These are a few of my favorite things:






I am so madly in love with you my little army. Thank you for the constant inspiration. The love, the photos of you in my gear, the letters you write, the thoughts you send my way. I am constantly in awe of all of you. It is such a dream come true for me to create these designs that people seem to love so much. I promise only more radness in the future.

Courage. Passion. Hard Work.

http://keltiecolleendance.com/page/the-keltie-colleen-mantra-cuff

I'll get the globe.

i live for moments like this.

"so... you look cute in the morning, just as I would have expected"

Here is the magical thing about life,

there are gonna be times where your heart is so broken you cannot stand alone in the shower long enough to wash your hair without jumping out to call a friend because the loneliness is threatening to move from its place in your throat to somewhere all over the bathroom floor. you will be broken. you will be messy. you will be tactless. you will say the first thing out of your mouth and the last thing out of your heart and nothing will make sense. Your vocabulary will consist of only these words. why+how. during those moments and months you will lose hope that one day you will wake up and your heart will not hurt or that your eyes will not be swollen from crying inside your dreams.

but, I promise you, if you just hang on. keep your chin up and solider on there will be times where you feel like the most perfect, prized thing in the universe. where your dreams match up perfectly with a plus one, and where your vocabulary consists only of the words right+amazing. you will spend hours with someone and none of those hours are enough, as in, there are not enough moments your eyes could be on top each other. Where you will catch yourself smiling and laughing out loud, when no one else is around, simply because your happiness is threatening to burst out of every single cell in your body.

so... thanks to you, past loves, who threw my heart into the battlefield. without you, I am not sure I would be the version of myself I am today. without you, and the tears I cried over you, I would have never known just how lucky I am to feel this way now. I've watched all the movies, I've heard all the songs, I've read all the books. I thought I had a pretty good grasp on what boy plus girl is supposed to make, I was completely wrong. That wasn't love, that was me giving love and getting small moments of debatable emotion in return.

The falling out of love is a hellish beast, but I will never be defeated, not when the falling is so delicious. I would break my heart a million times more to feel your hand holding mine.

It all makes sense.
It is all worth it.

You were a bandaid for someone, and this someone will be a bandaid for you.

sorry I have been MIA. I was away at a thing (it was awesome), and then yesterday I was shooting a thing(it was also awesome), and then today i am moving my things to a new place. (right above c.perri's head!) So many things to do...

Remember when you saw that movie where the prince charming stole the girl away and covered her eyes and took her somewhere magical and when he opened her eyes she gasped because it was all so movie-like, even for the movie? And then he leaned into kiss her, and wrap his arms + whole self around her and then she just glowed from the inside to the outside? And even though they were looking up at a million stars are the moon and Saturn's rings, even the night sky was no match for their light?

That happened to me. yesterday. people stare at us whenever we are together because i think the light that shines from inside us must blind the other people in the room. when you asked me what I was thinking, I was thinking...

I am just so lucky to know you.

Have you ever felt that way about a person? like, my life force in increased just by knowing that someone like you exists, and then on top of it, knowing that I get to sit and dream and plan adventures and bounce ideas off of a brilliant mind like his. To look in someones eyes and know that they are listening, really listening. When I look at his face sometimes I have to look away because I am afraid that I am going to start crying, screaming, laughing or yelling, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU...FOR SO LONG, WHERE WERE YOU? at the top of my lungs.

When someone or something is wrong it will gnaw at the back of your heart+head+thoughts all day? I like you...but. and then a list of all the things you wish were different.

I am playing a game with myself called, when you are about to let someone in and you get really really scared and you want to run the other direction, don't. Stay. See what happens because what happens my friends, is magical.

people told I wouldn't be able to really get over my lack of heart, until someone came along that made me forget, or that stole my heart away. I think that might be true.

sigh. swoon. gulp.