It's been a really long road this year.

It began with a shoe store and I spent the better part of a year crying hysterically all day long, followed by joyous phone calls to my besties to celebrate minor successes! I got a manager. I got a big fancy agent. I got a big fancy producer to ask to make my book a tv show. I got to meet a big A-list celeb to play me. Everything was going as planned and then...

My integrity stepped in.

Somewhere they decided to make my character a slut, (I tried not to take that personally.) They turned the Rockers into stock brokers and the foot tape into leg warmers and began creating a world I didn't recognize, and one that I know that you, my readers, would not care about or be inspired by at all.

So then, at a gas station while washing my beat up 2000 CRV and counting my last few dollar bills, I made my decision. I wasn't going to take something so real, authentic and un-apologetically transparent and turn it into a bright, shiny made for tv movie will beautiful, perfect girls and fake story lines. I walked away.

I then had some people say really nice things to me like, "No one cares about your book until you sell 1 million copies" "We are waiting to see about getting you a publishing deal until we see if the tv show sells"

The emails got shorter, the time between responses got longer and I once again became an unpopular blogger who wrote a book and published it herself.

I don't care if I never make a tv show. I don't care if all the "book snobs" of the world think my book sucks. I don't care if agents and people who make a living making books, don't want to take mine under their wing.

Most of the time I agree with them, hate myself, look at my writing and agree. It sucks.

But, then you email me, you tweet me, you write me. Your long winded late night confessionals about why, who and how your own heart broke. How this quote saved you. How this book helped you. How you have your own Dreamer. How your own Rocker left you.

And that is what matters. Last night I was sitting, letting tears run down my cheeks in an honest conversation about death. I am so scared to die. I don't know about souls, or where we go and nothingness haunts me. I do know this. If we die, and all we have are our souls, then we need to make every single decision with those souls. The human connection is the only THING that is really real guys. When we go to heaven we won't have eyes to see BMWs or hands to count dollar bills with. We will have our souls. That's all.

So, I am filling up my soul by giving the middle finger to everyone who doesn't think I can be a writer. I am putting out the second edition of Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom on my own because it's gonna fill up my soul (and maybe your soul), and that's what counts.

AND YOU ARE GONNA HELP ME?

Calling all artists. I need you all to create the cover art for RRR 2.0. I see the things you create on tumblr, twitter, weheartit and I know that you are the most brilliant artists in the world. Here is a gallery of my favorite book covers, please create and post in the comments your design for me- I will be picking the winner next week and you will receive credit, a free e-book copy of RRR 2.0, some sugar and bruno clothes, and an autographed poster of your work. You have until Friday Novemeber 4th, 2011 and must be 13 years or older to enter.

Thanks for helping me, believing in me, and fighting the good fight. xx

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

-It can be photoshop, drawing, graphics but you must own the right to all images used

-Must include the title "Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom" and by: Keltie Colleen

-Color or black and white

-Please no ballerinas

-No photos of my face (i'd prefer to not be on the cover this time)

-BE CREATIVE!

you have 2 weeks!

visit my buzznet page for a gallery of images I love + to enter!

prescription for clarity:


1- try to develop a genuine appreciation for people by realizing the truth about them, they are all children of god, unique personalities and creative beings.

2- take the trouble to stop and think of the other persons feelings, viewpoints, desires, and needs, think more of what the other fellow wants and how he must feel.

3- act as if other people are important and treat them accordingly.

new blog.

here.

about this.

sometimes sadness can come over you in a wave
and your brain is just no match for your heart.
you should know better.

but a song
a smell
a photo

will take you right back.

And your happiness is ruin buy old hurt.


I hate old hurt.

The 'Oh shit" moment.

I was in church last week + heard the most amazing speech. I cannot remember it exactly but it went something like this.

"Everyone always thinks they have it totally figured out. Who they love, who they hate, what is important, what they want, what they need, and how the world works, and their relationship with god until...

the 'oh shit moment'

The moment when the plane is crashing or the cancer is happening that changes everything. "


I have been living my life this year as one big "oh shit" moment. Focusing truly on the things that are 100% important and living my life as if the plane is crashing down. It's meant some big changes in my friends, life, structure and time but I'd rather do it now then when I crash.