You get better.

I few days ago I got a really bad case of the bullies. You know, the day when for some reason the universe decided to spend some energy on sending some people your way who for some reason have enough extra time and energy in their lives to point out your flaws, misgivings and say nasty things.

I talked about how I thought that "it gets better" is sort of a interesting choice of words. I am thankful to the people who have got the media talking about this really important subject, and I am also thankful that their are ways for people who are lost and searching for some support to find some. Suicide is never the right choice and nothing on earth is worth shortening your time. Perhaps it did get better for the celebs involved that have jumped on the bandwagon of having a tough childhood and then spouting off about it... For me personally, it never got better. When I was in high school I got picked on, had eggs cracked into my hair before class, was thrown in rivers, had shaving cream sprayed into my pants, was called every name in the book, was forced to drink the hockey team captains piss...the list goes on...

Today, almost 10 years later, I still get bullied on a daily basis. What I feel bad for, this generation of young adults for, is that, they have to deal with the cyber bullies...so much worse. At least when "unnamed girl" from my HS was cracking eggs into my hair before class, I knew who to be angry at. Now we are faced with the faceless anonymous people that can hide in their bedrooms behind icon photos and words on a screen.

What I would like to clarify about my comments last week is that, yes, it does get better...in a way. I don't want you to think that once you get out of school that the bullies will stop, however. They most likely won't. I like to think that most people are bright shining stars, when we threaten to out-shine these bullies, and whether or not they admit it, most forms of hate grow from a tree of jealousy.

What does get better each and everyday, is your own personal strength. You learn to not let other peoples actions determine your own self worth. You learn that other peoples opinions do not really count in the big score of your life. You learn to love the things that make you different and relish in them and stand proudly to support them, even if it seems to be an "un-popular" choice. You learn that YOU get to decide how others make you feel, not the other way around. You get strong enough to ignore the haters.

I have learned a little trick over the years...and it really works. When someone bullies me, or hates on me. I simply send them love. I think about them, their ridiculous screen name, or there angry face and I simply take all the love in my heart and send it their way. It is obvious to me that anyone that would be so cruel to another human being must have a huge void of love in their heart, and they must be in need of some. I have so much love given to me on a daily basis that I have excess to share.

I wanted you to know that if you feel weak right now, or ever, that you just have to hold on. There have been many nights in my life, a few of them I talk about in my book, that I really just wanted to be done with life. I am so glad that instead, I decided to make a cup of sleepy-time tea and put my sad self to bed. I am so glad that I gave myself the chance to wake up the next morning and see the sun shining and know that I was a tiny bit stronger than I was the day before.

This life is such a magical force and there are so many things to see and love and be, and they are all worth it. The things that make your different, make you special. You cannot see it now but there is a massive movement going on, our generation saw Obama, gay-marriage and some form of national health-care. The pendulum is only half through this giant swing and I cannot wait for the day when LBGT rights feel the same as women being able to vote. Change is coming, we are a strong and important generation.

Hang on army. YOU get better.

Tell you I wanna go...but I wanna stay.

I have spent my life lusting after unfathomable things.

I want "tom" from 500 days of summer to be a real life human, complete with brown cardigans and messenger bags.

I want to dance for Janet Jackson.

I want to be the best at everything, over-coming my undeniable lack of any god given talent at any of those "things".

In the areas of my heart there a few things I really, really want. When I get them I inevitably can be seen running full speed in the opposite direction. If you promise to love someone forever, I am well aware that one of two outcomes are imminent:

I will lose them.

or

I will die.


Both equally unbearable.

Say "I love you" when your not listening.

Hi again. I am back. Thank you for waiting. No grandiose explanation needed. I did tons of writing in the past few months because I spent a ton of time of airplanes. For some reason, being along on an airplane in the dark while the world flies by under me always inspires me to feel incredibly lonely. A good case of the lonlies make me listen to my favorite "pull on the heart strings" tunes, and of course, make me miss all the things I cannot have.




I find myself sometimes simultaneously missing him and thinking that I actually never knew him. How do you miss what was most likely never yours to hold?

He will be replaced with far more deserving hearts. The good guys. The ones who makes love look easy- and make me feel all the things I should.

I keep waiting for the end of this story, the part where some big epic ballad is played and someone is standing outside my door with some complete purge of all the millions of feeling they have had for me and never said and some epic ending embrace. I grew up watching this in 90's romantic comedies, and I want this for myself.

I am afraid that my heart is one that cannot even be saved by the power of
a power ballad...and they are pretty powerful! Why is it both so impossible to accept the love from the people who are good for us, and accept that those without love for us are bad?

Why do I miss you the most when you love me the least?

what it all comes down to...I haven't got it all figured out just yet.

Hi army,

Ahhhh. Where do i begin? First of all I want to thank you all for your love, support and words. This blog has become such a huge part of my life and soul.

I recently approved the FINAL version of my book "Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom" and I feel empty of words. Something that I started as a hobby turned out to be a ton of work, and that on top of all my other work...has left me in need of a really big nap.

When I was a little girl I really wanted to follow my dance dreams and I am thankful each day that I had the courage to do that. As each year passes I realize how much I want some new dreams. I've never really taken the time to live and love.

I am leaving tomorrow on an amazing adventure with my heart. I will not be blogging, or tweeting or anything until I get back in Late November. I am going, for the first time in my life, to go enjoy myself. Eat, Pray and Love. I am scared, and very unsure of what a Keltie who is not working will be like but I know this is a side of myself I am desperate to find. I am excited to go live without thinking...I should take a picture and share this, or this would make a good blog. I'm gonna go and just be. me.

I hope you all understand and I promise to be back, better than ever with fresh words very soon. In the meantime you can visit my facebook page here for updates on the book, the book tour and other things that my awesome team will be throwing together while I am far away.

Have an amazing fall. I will be thinking of you each and everyday.
Courage. Passion. Hard Work.

and mostly...LOVE.




and please take care of her.

i wont be there when word gets round/i won't be there when ur luck runs out/cause ur someone else's baby/yeah ur someone else's crazy now.

-matt nathanson




Oh matt nathanson why are you so perfect? It's been a really weird month because I have been working so hard on my book and reading over + edits + thoughts + press and all things that story. That story feels like something I made up in my head and never actually lived through, because I feel like I am such a different person now.

I spent most of my life being a co-dependant. I've actually had therapists tell me I had a "condition". Since grade 9 I always had a boyfriend, most of them I didn't like, or even spend any time with, but I had none of the tools necessary to make myself happy. I only existed on the compliments and praise of whoever was my #1 at the moment. I was the Julia Roberts in runaway bride, I liked whatever you liked, because I wanted you to like me.

Most people think that my book is going to be one big tell all about some guy I dated once, and sadly, they will be disappointed (sorry trash sites and haters!) The story isn't about anyone else but me. I wrote the story so that you all could find those little pieces of yourselves that YOU see in me, in this story also. It is so common, pretty, talented, smart girls who don't even like themselves that much and cannot exist without focusing 95% of their day on whatever love interest in in their eyesight at the time. I lived that way for a very long time. I was only great, because they were great.

When it came to living alone for the first time in my life a few years ago, it wasn't just a case of "my heart is broken and I need to get over you". It was a case of, "I have no idea how to be alone, and I am not even sure that I like myself enough to want to be alone with myself." Sad words. Big lesson.

Look, we all have flaws. I can point this finger and say, this person did THIS to me or that person did that to me. But the bottom line is that, I was never ready to be in any kind of relationship any of those times. That wasn't really love, it was obsession. For me I had a giant check-list of things that I wanted from life. Live in NYC. Check. Dance with the Rockettes. Check. Be in a music video. Check. Fall in love. ummmm?

Love isn't something that you can "work" your way into, or something that you can magically check off your to do list, or get in the dollar bins at target. I wanted to be in love, I thought I had found the guy (more than once) and so I did everything in my power to make that love work, and never once stopped to think- Am I happy? DO I want this? Is this the kind of life I want?

Matt writes "ur someone else's crazy now". I love that line because it is so true. I used to think that crazy was artistic, and that artistic was exciting and exciting was cool and that cool was what I wanted and that all of it was love. I was a fool.

When someone loves you, you will know.
But no one is gonna love you, if you don't love yourself.

Take the time to have a relationship with your soul. Be alone. Strengthen your morals and honor. Find out what you really like. Love yourself. Love will find you.

follow friday!

Here it is the cover for my book. I am thrilled to show it to you. I also started a FB group for the book + will giving away copies and having contests and all sorts of fun things so please join here! Pre-order starts Oct. 22!!

Caught between backstage and center stage, Keltie Colleen opens a window into her intriguing life of dance and rock n' roll. In between gigs, Keltie optimistically untangles complicated rockstar romances, while clinging to her own identity. Simultaneously tragic and hopeful, Keltie's story is an honest, powerful and ultimately uplifting guide to following your dreams and losing your heart.

Today I got offered a really cool dancer job, a dance job in a new movie. My first reaction was "Well, thank goodness I proved that I am not a total failure."

I said that because that is how I feel most of the time. We dancers are only as good as "what is next" No one really cares about last year or last month and the few days we get to spend on set are magical but fleeting.

My my said to that she thought it was so sad that as humans we tend to only focus and remember the really awful things about ourselves. That we tend to hold on to those failures and seemingly brush away all the good stuff with ease.

So true isn't it. The 7 jobs I auditioned for last month that I didn't get haunt me daily with thoughts of, why am I still dancing? am I as horrible as everyone says I am? It is sad that booking a job makes me think for just an instant-

Okay, good, now you have validated your choice of life for one more week and proved to everyone that you are not a total failure.

Silly really, when it is obvious I am not a failure, none of us are. Also silly that you all say such wonderful, sweet things to me and I forget those the instant someone says something negative. Well, maybe I do look old.


The bottom line is we should be the opposite. The good things should stick to us and the bad things should easily melt away. I wish that was the way the human heart worked and from now on I am going to really try to be that girl. Life is way to short to only believe the bad.

Like CP said to me once " You hair is bigger than you think, and you are smaller than you think"

and besides if the dance world, the dating world and the book world all think I suck, I am pretty sure that one little lady thinks I rock....